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Civilian or Not? Revisited

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By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

Paula Gaikowski
Yesterday’s post got my attention. I have to admit I too am intrigued by the non-civilians in these Halloween and womanless contests.

Ms. Caulfield, does appear to be a member of our club. First off, it's Halloween and not a womanless pageant, so we know right off the bat that this was a choice of hers. Add to that the attention to detail that only a non-civilian would be aware of. You mentioned the eyebrows, yes, definitely a clue, the dainty necklace and blouse, a well-styled wig and perfect make-up. The clincher though is the smile ‒ we all know that feeling of true happiness.

As for Mr. /Ms. Waugh, well, the shaved legs, c’mon??? Oh yeah, you’re a swimmer or oh, a bicyclist, oh yeah that’s it. Also, who has a pair of sling back pumps in your male size hanging around that by the way, matches the stylish suit that likewise just happens to be in your size. Judging from her petite image, I’m guessing that Mrs. Waugh doesn’t wear a size 11 shoe nor a size 16W suit.

As for Matt Garber, he’s not even trying to feign civilian status, I am guessing Matt is more likely gay and not transgender and making a statement... just a hunch.

One thing I also noticed about these more recent womanless pageants, they seem to be attracting more realistic versions of womanhood than the caricatures of women in the past. By posing a comical exaggeration, the message was sent that the contestant has no interest in being or looking like a feminine woman, thus preserving their masculinity.

In the past, there seemed to be a denigration of femininity. Today, there appears to be more a celebration with contestants trying to actually femulate the best they can.

Perhaps now young persons who are questioning aren’t quite as hesitant to demonstrate an interest in showing this side of themselves in today’s less judgmental environment.

Who knows us better than our parents, especially Moms, who we see are willing collaborators in these most accomplished femulations.

What better way to for a young transgender person to not only have an opportunity to finally dress as a girl, but to send out a test message and judge the response to coming out.

“Hey, Mom, this might be fun. Can you help me?”

“Sure, sweetheart, let’s start by trying-on some of my dresses.”

“Maybe we need to do a little shopping this weekend. We’ll find you the perfect dress and you’ll be the prettiest one there.

“Oh Mom! Stop, okay let’s go!”

“I’ll have to confess, Mom, dress-shopping was kind of fun and I can’t wait to see myself all made up”

“Wow, I can’t believe I won! Everybody said how good I looked and how pretty I was!”

“I had fun too sweetheart and I was so proud of how well you did. You seem to be a natural?”

“Remember, the makeup, wig and your new wardrobe are yours to keep, I want you to know that you don’t need a pageant to express this side of yourself.”

“You will always be beautiful to me whether this side of you grows or not and please don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.”

Oh, in a more perfect world, one more perfect than the 1960’s and 70’s when I was coming of age... I guess that why I am so captivated by these stories. I truly envy their opportunities and see myself in their shoes grabbing and reaching for that brass ring.




Source: Macy's
Wearing Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)




Cinderfella
2017 Cinderfella pageant contestants in Cleveland, Oklahoma

Girls' Night Out... Sort of

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Wednesday was my last day at work. I thought about going to work as Stana, but I did not.

The CEO came to my cube about 10 AM to wish me well and that was my cue to get out of Dodge. I turned in my badge, keys and laptop, went around the building to say goodbye to everyone and drove home.

It was all very anti-climatic!

Anyway, my former manager had promised to take me out to dinner when she got back from vacation. I received an email from her Wednesday afternoon saying she was back and had made a reservation for us at a local restaurant for Friday evening. The original plans were to also invite another of my former managers, also female, to join us, which she did. So I was looking forward to joining my two ex-managers for a girls' night out. (Both ex-managers know I am trans.)

But my old boss threw me a curve; she also invited a guy from my workplace, a workplace friend who I have known for 20 years. He has seen Stana on Halloween and jokingly remarked that I was the best looking woman in the building, but I never came out to him like I had to my former bosses. He might have guessed I am trans, but who knows! (I lost count how many times I assumed people thought I was trans and when I came out to them, they said they were clueless.)

So now I was on the fence about going to dinner as Stana. I exchanged emails about my dilemna with Paula and she encouraged me to go as Stana. Then I read yesterday's blog post by the always insightful Joanna and the one-two punch from Paula and Joanna pushed me off the fence, so Stana will be dining this evening.

It should be interesting. The girls have no idea who will show up, but I know Stana's appearance will not surprise them. I am sure that the guy will be very surprised, just as I am sure that everyone in the company will have their suspicions confirmed Monday morning when the story about our dinner gets out.

Who says I lead a boring life!




Source: Moda Operandi
Wearing Emilia Wickstead (Source: Moda Operandi)





Paolo Ballesteros
Paolo Ballesteros (left) femulating in the 2016 Filipino film Die Beautiful.

Girls' Night Out

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As I wrote in my previous post, my former manager (X) had promised to take me out to dinner to celebrate my retirement. She also invited another former manager of mine (Y), as well as one of the guys (Chuck) who I have worked with for 20 years. 

I had originally planned to attend the dinner as Stana (both my managers know I am trans), but when I learned that Chuck was joining us, I began reconsidering my en femme plans. Chuck did not know I was trans, although he might have suspected after having seen me en femme at work on Halloween.

With a lot of encouragement from Femulate readers, I finally decided to "damn the torpedoes" and stuck to my original plans to go to dinner en femme.

We had a dinner reservation for 5:30 PM, so I got ready and left for the restaurant at 5 because the Maps app claimed that the restaurant was 20 minutes away. Just as I was ready to go, I received an email from Chuck saying he would not be able to attend the dinner, so we were back to a girls'only night out. This was kind of a letdown because now I was prepared to dine with Chuck and introduce him to Stana. C'est la vie.

I arrived at the restaurant in 20 minutes, parked the car and went inside. I was the first to arrive and was seated at our reserved table in the bar. I ordered a drink and waited for the girls to arrive. 

About 15 minutes later, I saw them enter at the opposite end of the bar and I could see that they were looking around the room trying to find me. As they got closer, I waved and caught their attention. When they recognized who was waving, they both squealed with delight and were so happy to see me presenting as a woman. Any doubts that this was the right thing to do flew out the window.

They both complimented my presentation and admitted that if I had not waved, they would never had found me.

Y asked me if I would have presented as a woman if Chuck had not cancelled. It was kind of a silly question because we only received the news of Chuck's cancellation about an hour before our dinner reservation and there is no way I can switch from boy to presentable girl mode that quickly. As soon as Y asked the question, she realized it was a silly question and gave me a lot of credit for my willingness to meet Chuck as a woman. 

Both of my managers were absolutely wonderful and treated me like another girl and not a guy in a dress. They worked hard to get the pronouns correct and got used to calling me "Stana." There was some trans-related conversation, but it was mostly girl talk about work, marriage, fashion and even sex! 

The food and drink were excellent, but secondary to the evening. The evening was so affirming and a dream come true! I asked them if we could do it again and they both agreed that they would enjoy dining with me again.

The evening ended too quickly and after two hours, we exited to the parking lot where we said our goodbyes. They both hugged me, but as Y hugged me, she planted a real kiss (not an air kiss) on my cheek! 

It was a wonderful evening and I did not want it to end, so when I got home, I even walked the dogs en femme in broad daylight.




Street style, New York City
Street style, New York City




Alec Mapa
Alec Mapa femulating in the 1998 film Playing by Heart.

Dress Dad for adventure!

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"Dress Dad for adventure! Click for great Father's Day deals from Sears" was the subject of an email I received yesterday.

Dress Dad for adventure? I'm thinking a pretty frock, heels and a matching bag!

👠 👠 👠

By popular demand, a number of readers asked to see the outfit I wore Friday evening, so here it is!

Dress from DressBarn, high heel pumps from Payless and scarf from Avon.
Dress from DressBarn, high heel pumps from Payless and scarf from Avon.
Friday was amazing. My ex-managers were so happy to see me presenting as a woman and they could not have been more supportive. If I had ever pulled the trigger and gone to work full-time as a woman, they would have had my back.

👠 👠 👠

No matter how many times I've done it, walking up and down stairs in heels still gives me pause, so it was nice to receive a refresher course from Abby at Vivian Lou. Here is the link!




Source: Brahmin
Wearing Brahmin bag (Source: Brahmin)





Lee Roy Reams
Lee Roy Reams femulates Dolly on stage in Hello Dolly (2015).
SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

T T-shirt

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I love this T-shirt that I saw for sale at zazzle.com. I would have no problem wearing it when I am in girl mode, but I might think twice about wearing it in boy mode.






Source: Rent the Runway
Wearing Badgley Mischka (Source: Rent the Runway)




Ria Jones and Ceri Dupree
Sister and brother, Ria Jones and Ceri Dupree, on the London stage in Mis-Leading Ladies (2015).

Something New

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I am a big fan of Kiss Express Stick-On artificial nails. They go on fast and easy, stay on until you want them off and look good. Friday night, the first thing the girls did when I met up with them is compliment my nails!

The only problem I have with the Kiss Express Stick-On nails is that they are only available in one style. Years ago, Kiss sold other Express Stick-On styles, but not anymore. So I am stuck with one style and although they always look great, I am bored with them.

Looking for alternatives, I discovered Kiss Impress Gel Manicure nails. They are available in over 20 styles and are pre-glued stick-ons like the Express Stick-On brand, but better; Kiss claims the glue on their Impress nails is "3X stronger than other pre-glued nails."

I was intrigued, but wondered about the size of the Kiss Impress nails. I have long, thin lady-like fingers, but in the past, I have purchased artificial nails that were not large enough to cover my own natural nails. If the size of the fake thumbnail doesn't match the size of my natural thumbnail (5/8 of an inch wide), then the whole set is useless to me.

There is only one way to solve find out if the size is right: buy a set and try them on. So I purchased a set at my local Rite Aid this morning and took them home to measure them up. And I was pleased to discover that like their kissing cousins, the size of the Impress thumbnails are a perfect match for my natural thumbnails.

I did not try on the new nails because I want to save them for a nice day out as a woman. When I do, I will let you know how well they survive out in the wild!



Source: Moda Operandi
Wearing Elizabeth Kennedy (Source: Moda Operandi)



Jeremy Stockwell
Jeremy Stockwell femulating in the 1970 film Dinah East.

Life, Look & the Saturday Evening Post

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Since semi-retiring, my daily routine has no routine. This blog has suffered as a result.

When I was working, the first thing I did before starting work was to write the next post for the blog. Now that I am not working, my daily schedule is so fluid that regularly writing a new blog post each day is not happening. Hopefully, I will get better as I get used to my new life.

And so it goes.

👠 👠 👠

My daughter and I were discussing feet yesterday after she noticed that I wasn’t wearing socks in boy mode, which has been my warm-weather routine for a few years now. 

One thing led to another and I mentioned how my footwear did not fit right lately. All my shoes seemed loose — so loose that my feet were slipping around inside my shoes when I walked causing me to walk more weirdly than usual. The only shoes that fit well were a pair I recently bought at Payless, which was a half-size smaller than my “normal” size.

My daughter suggested that since I lost weight (10 pounds), my feet lost some weight, too.

Of course — why didn’t I think of that! Which also explains why my girl shoes have felt more comfortable lately.

👠 👠 👠

My favorite nude bag had seen better days. I bought it from Avon about five years ago and it became my go-to bag whenever I wore nude heels.

The inside of the bag was as good as new, but the outside of the bag was worn out. Cleaning it helped a little, but it had some blue worn spots that cleaning only made worse. It was time to shop for a new nude bag.

I visited all the online suspects and found just what I was looking for at Payless: their “Lianna Tote” designed by Christian Siriano. It is a classy looking bag with lots of room inside to hold all the contents girls like us need when we go out. 

Its list price was $49.99, but it was on sale for $34.99 and to sweeten the deal, I had a coupon, which knocked the price down to $27.91. So, Stana’s got a brand new bag!



Source: Intermix
Wearing Veronica Beard dress, Alexandre Birman sandals, Odette bracelet (Source: Intermix)




Chelsea Manning
Chelsea Manning

A Passing Interest

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Most transpeople have an opinion on passing and seem to be in one of two camps on the subject.

One camp feels that passing is overrated and not important, while the other camp feels that passing is a goal that they work to achieve. I am in the latter camp and along with Faith DaBrooke of Adventures of a Gender Rebel fame. Her recent podcast about passing is a must-hear on the subject.

One of my favorite passing stories occurred about ten years ago when I was doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University. I started the day in 3-1/2-inch stilettos, but just in case, I brought a pair of flats that I left in the car.

After shopping at the mall before outreach and going to the first of two classes to do outreach, my 3-1/2-inch stilettos had to go, so I went to the car to fetch my more comfortable shoes.

As I walked through the parking lot, I saw a university dump truck parked right in front of the car. The driver was talking with another university employee standing next to the truck. Oh, damn, just what I needed: the classic trans-woman nightmare, a Transwoman Vs. Macho Guy face-off!

I was ready for the worst! Making a beeline for the car, I tried to ignore the guys, but the guy standing by the side of the truck greeted me with a very flirtatious, "Good afternoon," while the guy in the truck smiled appreciatively and drove away.

They flirted with me! Wow – that was an affirming moment!

I switched shoes and went to the student center to eat lunch, but I was unsure where it was located. I got lost fast, so I asked a couple – girl and guy students – for directions. The guy was really helpful. He dumped the girl and walked with me down a long sidewalk to a place where I could actually see the student center.

My success at passing was amazing that day especially since I thought that I didn't think I look my best! But did I really pass or were the people I encountered just being very respectful of a person showing a lot of diversity?

I have no doubt that I passed with the university workers. If they knew I was a guy, I don't think they would have flirted with me.

I probably also passed with the male student who gave me directions. He was just a little bit too solicitous dumping the young girl student to help out the older woman on campus.

Needless to say, I was very pleased.




Source Intermix
Wearing T By Alexander Wang dress, Sergio Rossi sandals and Valentino bag (Source Intermix)




Crowning the winner in the 1970 womanless beauty pageant at Southside High School in Florence, S.C. (Source: Starla)
Crowning the winner in the 1970 womanless pageant at Southside High School in Florence, S.C. (Source: Starla)

Is Trans Over?

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Subtitled "The beginning of the end of the gender binary may have arrived," this story by activist Riki Wilchins came off the mojo wire this morning: "Is Trans Over?"




Source: ELOQUII
Wearing ELOQUII (Source: ELOQUII)




A reverse binary couple.
A reverse binary couple.

Looking Good

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Paula Gaikowski sent me this link to a BuzzFeed article titled "19 Insanely Useful Makeup Tips For Trans Women." It is interesting on two fronts.

1. It has some useful makeup tips intended for women like us. (I even learned a few things.)

2. Articles like this usually appear on trans-related blogs, websites, etc., but in this case, the article appeared on what is considered a mainstream "civilian website."

That's progress!



Source: Olivia Palermo
Wearing Banana Republic (Source: Olivia Palermo)




Brendan Jordan
Brendan Jordan, femulating womenswear model

Drag in the Family

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By Starla Renee Trimm, Femulate Contributing Editor


The other day, I happened to catch one of the All in the Family episodes in which Finocchio's drag queen, Lori Shannon (Don McLean), appeared as female impersonator Beverly LaSalle.

There were three episodes in which Lori appears:  "Archie the Hero" (1975), "Beverly Rides Again" (1976) and "Edith's Crisis of Faith, Part 1" (1977). The character is somewhat of a breakthrough, being the first time a drag queen is depicted in a positive and sympathetic manner on U.S. television. Beverly becomes a friend of the Bunkers, especially Edith, who becomes quite chummy with her new "girlfriend." Even Archie comes to begrudgingly tolerate LaSalle's flamboyant personality.

In the third episode, Beverly is killed in a gay bashing causing Edith to go into a deep depression and nearly lose her faith in God. This is the kind of gut-wrenching pathos brilliantly, but respectfully complimented with humor that the show was known for in its heyday. (Interestingly, it has been pointed out that LaSalle may be more trans than drag queen, as she is shown dressing en femme even when not performing.)

Sadly, Shannon was not as sympathetic as the character portrayed in All in the Family. Shannon/McLaen was said to be quite stuck-up and mean-spirited in real life and was not well-liked by many of the drag queens at Finocchio's. When McLean passed away from health issues at the young age of 45, one fellow performer was quoted as saying, "I don't care what the doctors say – that queen died of hate."




Wearing Nicholas dress, Alexander Birman sandals and Mercedes Salazar earrings (Source: Intermix)




Kerela, India
Transgender beauty pageant in Kerela, India, June 2017

Happy Femulating Father's Day

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Source: Madeleine
Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)




David Duchovny
David Duchovny femulating in a 2017 episode of television's Twin Peaks (Source: Aunty Marlena)

Naive

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Don't Get Out Much

As a youth, I did not know much about sex. In fact, I am still waiting for my father to tell me about the birds and the bees! And I was very naive, too. That plus being a very feminine boy was a recipe for disaster. Except for a lot of verbal abuse, I came away fairly unscathed. But I sure had some close calls.

First job out of college was working for a chain of quick print shops as a fill-in for co-workers during their vacations or health-related absences. Thus, I found myself in our Kingston, New York, store for a six-week stint during the winter of 1974.


Being near Woodstock, the Kingston store had some interesting clientele – lots of well-known artists and musicians. Most of the were very cool, but I recall having a difficult time with a musician of some note, who wanted me to make photocopies of copyrighted sheet music, which was against store policy, not to mention against the law. But I digress.


One of our regular customers was a funeral director. He showed up one day at high noon and offered to take me to lunch. Naive me agreed and we went to a nearby diner, had lunch, then headed back to the shop. On the way, he hinted that I could thank him for lunch in a very intimate way!


I almost regurgitated lunch when I realized what he had in mind, but I played dumb until we got back to the shop and was able to escape from his black Cadillac. I never saw him again.


Kingston wasn't all bad and I did have some positive experiences. The highlight was visiting an old-school lingerie shop in boy mode and getting fitted for an all-in-one, but that's another story.


Did the Point Tip?

Source: Juan's New Male Fashion
Source: Juan's New Male Fashion

All In

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I mentioned in my last post that a highlight of my six-week stint working in Kingston, New York, was visiting an old-school lingerie shop in boy mode and getting fitted for an all-in-one.

After I found the store in the Yellow Pages, I checked it out one evening after work. It was located in downtown Kingston, not in a strip mall or shopping plaza, and it looked tiny and inconspicuous… the antithesis of Victoria’s Secret.

For days, I thought about the store and finally gathered up the courage to visit it during a lunch hour. I drove to the store, parked on the street and sat in my car waiting for minimum pedestrian traffic to avoid anyone seeing me entering the store. When all was clear, I exited my car and entered the store as quickly as possible.

A middle-aged lady greeted me. She probably had seen it all, so when I mentioned I needed some foundation garments for my Halloween costume, I don't know if she believed me. And when I suggested that I might need an “all-in-one,” that probably tipped my hand immediately – how many guys know what's an "all-in-one?"

Nevertheless, she was very helpful and after measuring me up, she handed me two heavy-duty all-in-ones to try on and said, "Take these to the dressing room, try them on and call me so I can see if they fit properly."

I did not expect such a hands-on sale, but was glad to have it.

I went to the dressing room, quickly stripped down to my briefs and zipped myself into the first all-in-one, but it did nothing for me. However, the second one did wonders and I summoned the proprietor to examine me wearing the second all-in-one.

"Wow, that was quick," she remarked. I assumed that her other male customers were not as fast as I when trying on their "first" foundation garment.

She checked me out and gushed about my great girlish figure. I tipped my hand again when my face turned beet red in embarrassment. I could not pay for my purchase fast enough and get out Dodge.

By the way, I loved that all-in-one. It was constructed with spring-like metal stays and it gave me a figure like no other. It was my go-to foundation garment for years. I wish I could find one like it today!



Source: New York Magazine
Wearing MISSGUIDED (Source: New York Magazine)




Source Juan's New Male Fashion
Bill suggested that this would be the tipping point (Source "A Day at the Office" from Juan's New Male Fashion)

Opportunity

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Before we leave Kingston, NY, I have one more story from Upstate New York about a missed opportunity.

Next door to the quick print shop was a woman's clothing boutique. The print shop and woman's boutique were in the same building, an old Victorian home, and the back rooms of the print shop and the boutique were separated by an unlocked door.

The boutique owner/proprietor was a woman in her mid-50's. Initially, we were just acquaintances, but we became friendlier after she forgot her keys one day and I let her get into her store via the unlocked door that separated our back rooms. After that we chatted almost once a day and became better acquainted.

Over time, I noticed a couple of gents who shopped at her store on more than one occasion, so one day I asked her about her male customers. She quickly responded that they were "transvestites" and that she had about a half dozen male customers who were so inclined.

"That's interesting," was my reply.

Then she added, "You look to be a size 16. I have some outfits in your size that would look lovely on you."

I didn't see that coming! I was very embarrassed and could only manage to squeak out, "Thanks, but no thanks."

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

I thought about it often, but never took her up on her offer.


Source: ShopBop
Wearing Alice + Olivia (Source: ShopBop)



Alex Mathias, Vadim Oleynik and Artem Meh
Alex Mathias, Vadim Oleynik and Artem Meh femulating on Ukraine television's version of Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Best Moments Out As A Woman

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By Michelle Bowles

When I was young and borrowing my mother’s clothes, I sometimes dreamed of one day spending a day out in public dressed as a female and… well, actually probably no more than just that. In that dream, nobody would pay me any particular attention, and I would just be treated as just another woman out and about doing her business.

Of course, in my heart of hearts I realised that would never happen. Except that it did, and not just for one day, but for numerous days (some of which I have written about in previous posts for Femulate). I then thought, “Can I list the best half dozen moments I have experienced en femme on these outings?”

I started a list of six moments and soon found I had gone past that number without really trying, so I thought, “How about a top 10?” I was soon past that, too – and so you can see, I ended up with a top 20. Cheating a bit, I know, but after I first suggested the “My favourite photo of…myself” feature that Stana ran a year or two back, many people found it really difficult to pick just one picture. So I am really carrying on a tradition (well that’s my excuse).


Here is my list of en femme moments anyway, and rest assured there are a few others I could have put in, too. See what you think.

1.A man opening a door for you and your cisgender female partner whilst saying “ladies.”

2.Being asked to dance by a man when at the pub disco.

3.Asking a shop assistant in a department store where the ladies clothes are and without even a double take, being asked whether I wanted the fashion or the posher clothes departments.

4.On finding the women’s department an assistant approaching me, as I am looking at some clothes, and asking me would I like her to reserve a changing cubicle for me so I can try some dresses on.

5.Being dressed up to the nines and walking into Royal Ascot on a sunny summer’s day.

6.Having a bookmaker say “Yes, Madam?” as I place a bet at Royal Ascot - and being addressed similarly when I go to collect my winnings (in fact being “Madamed” at any time would make my list).

7.When a waitress says “What can I get for you ladies?” as I am out with a TG friend for lunch.

8.Being served first when out with my cisgender female partner at an Indian restaurant, because the waiter obviously hasn’t read me, and therefore “ladies first” is irrelevant.

9.Being waved through past the roped off queue as I enter the pub on crowded Saturday evening as it has a LGBT friendly policy.

10.Being asked to wait in the roped off queue and refused entry at the other door of the same pub because they think I am cisgender female (this is many times better than moment no. 9).

11.Going up to a barman to be asked “What can I get you, Miss?”

12.Realising I’ve just spent a whole day in London, without once being aware of being “read” despite many one-to-one conversations.

13.Being accepted as just another woman by a group of female work colleagues (all of whom were unknown to me and my cisgender female partner) who were out for a Saturday evening together.

14.When in that group of females, a man outs his empty glass on our table, and one of the women leans across to me and says “I just love the way they think we’re going to wash it up for them.”

15.When talking to a woman on a night as she notices her female friend is being chatted up by a man and she interrupts her conversation with me to say “That bloke’s a real w*****.”

16.Being involved in women’s conversations in the ladies’ toilets.

17.When trying on something in the ladies’ changing rooms in a shop and a woman says how much it suits me.

18.Expecting people to look at me as I enter a crowded public area and nobody does.

19.Not noticing I’ve dropped an earring and a woman interrupts her conversation with her friend to let me know (I particularly liked this one, and I don’t know why).

20.Being asked by woman about where to pay in a multi storey car park and then getting into a conversation about how confusing they are.

As you can see these are moments when out and about and largely can be summarised by “being accepted in the female world” as I so wanted to be all those years ago.

Normally when talking about list of favourites we are asked “And which is top of your list?” Before I reveal that, I’m going to list some of my very favourites – hopefully you’ll choose which would be yours. Firstly, I really liked the bookmaker at Ascot addressing me as “Madam” because I was up to that point not entirely sure I was passing, but that proved I was and added to the experience was being dressed in a posh frock, hat and heels – what’s not to like? And of course, going back shortly after to collect my winnings and being addressed as Madam again meant I floated away afterwards, a few pounds the richer.

Being made to wait in the roped off queue at the pub because a number of door staff had not read me was particularly nice, too (no. 10). Also I think experiences that mean I’ve been accepted into the woman’s world must be up there, so examples such as numbers 4, 15, 16 and 17 (excuse me for using number references) would be near the top.

If I had to choose just one, I’d probably say the comment after a man had placed a glass on our table (no. 14) would be my favourite. I had gone on a Saturday evening with my cisgender female partner, to our regular gay (and straight) friendly haunt. When we arrived it was already crowded and there was no seat, but a group of about 6 women saw we were standing and moved up to make room for us.

We soon got into conversation with them and discovered they were work colleagues out together – they were all straight, but just liked this particular pub. This continued for the rest of the evening, and I just assumed they had read me and had accepted me as I am, which was a lovely thing in itself. Then the man put the glass on our table and walked away. The fact that one of the women leaned over to me to comment that he had just thought we, being a group of women, would wash it up for him, was wonderful. It seems, to her, I was just a woman she had met on a night out.

These are all experiences that were a largely a surprise and to do with being out en femme and If anybody has a similar list to send to Femulate I, for one, would love to read it.

Yes, I like lists (part of my male self that carries over into my female half). As they say, there are two categories of people in the world; those that put people into categories, and those that don’t.




Source: ShopBop
Wearing Marc Jacobs (Source: ShopBop)



Yasumasa Morimura
Photographer Yasumasa Morimura femulates Marlene Dietrich.

Best Moments

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Michelle's guest post "Best Moments Out As A Woman" moved some of you to share your best moments in the comments to her post. This made for some interesting and inspiring reading and I hope you will continue to share your best moments in the comments below. If you have an interesting extended story to tell, please e-mail it to me and I will post it.

To keep the ball rolling, I will share a couple of my favorite best moments out as a woman.

One of my best moments occurred over dinner when I attended Fantasia Fair in 2010. I was chatting with two new friends, Cosette and Dianne, and we were discussing passing.

During our discussion, I mentioned how I always thought my voice was my weakness. They replied by saying my voice was perfect. And then they added that at the orientation brunch where they saw me for the first time, they thought I was the spouse of another attendee, that is, a cisgender female!

Convincing another transwoman that you are cisgender female is a great achievement, but convincing two transwomen simultaneously is even better! And convincing a cisgender female is affirming, too.

Out shopping one day four years ago, I was wearing white shorts, a multi-colored top, pink scarf, black bag and white wedges (see photo). As I was looking through the racks at JCPenney, a middle-aged African-American woman (probably younger than me) approached me and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

I had no idea what she was going to ask ("What time is it?""Where did you buy your shoes?""Are you a tranny?"). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

"You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying."

Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!

We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, "I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help."

"Good luck," I said.

Then I took a deep breath.

“Oh, my God!” I screamed to myself.

👠👠👠

Please share your favorite best moments. Inqueering minds want to know!




Source: Bebe
Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)




Michelle Bowles
Michelle Bowles

Out Wednesday

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Wednesday evening, I will attend the meeting of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) where I will do my makeup presentation for transwomen.

COS ushered me out of the closet in the late 1970s and I was very active in the organization for over 20 years. It has been a few years since I last attended a meeting, so it will be a reunion of sorts for me and the organization that helped me be me. I'm looking forward to that as well as looking forward to wearing a new dress and new hairdo!



Source: Bebe
Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)




Cory and Kenny
Cory and Kenny femulated for Opposite Day at Celeste (TX) High School in 1989 (Source: Starla)

Dreaming Vividly

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Since becoming semi-retired, more often than not, I remember my dreams after I awake. My dreams seem more vivid than I remember them being before I semi-retired, but one thing has not changed: in my most of my dreams, I am a woman.

In some dreams, I am aware that I am a transwoman, who has transitioned one way or another. In other dreams, being trans is not part of the equation — I am a woman, plain and simple.

Last night, I had a transwoman dream. I was in Vegas, where I have never been in my life and I was having a wonderful time at a casino until I encountered a family acquaintance. The twist was that even though I was embarrassed encountering the acquaintance, the acquaintance was not fazed and interacted with me as if I always was a woman!

And so it goes.




Source: Diane Von Furstenberg
Wearing Diane Von Furstenberg (Source: Diane Von Furstenberg)




Mindy
Femulate reader Mindy wearing Calvin Klein from Dress Barn.

New Do

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Just got home from my night out as a woman and before I go to bed, I want to post a photo that my waiter took while I was dining at Brio. I'll have more to show and say about my night out in my next post.
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