By Monica M

The third of the software skills is presentation and I shall cover my ideas and experience of this in two postings: one on makeup and one on dress.

My feelings, overall, are that you need to minimize as much as possible the areas where one differs from genetic woman otherwise, why try to pass at all?

There are enough areas where we differ and nothing (not even radical surgery) can change: for example, square jaw, big hands, big feet, etc. The more areas where you deviate from the female norm, the quicker you get read. You never get read for just one thing; in my experience, it is a combination of signs that give you away.

Before even thinking about makeup, one needs to get one's skin properly in condition. Everybody has their own ideas on this and Stana has often told us of various products from the Avon range that she believes in. My personal preference is Demalogica as that is the first one I came across when I had my first dermabrasion.

Following on from one of Stana's posts on the benefits of dermabrasion, I was determined to get such a treatment done when I was next away from home. The place I chose was also an agent for Dermalogica. My technician did a skin analysis on me and recommended a Dermalogica regime for my skin. I told her I was transgender and she did not even smile. It was no big deal.

I followed her suggestions religiously and gradually, over about a year, my skin quality really changed. It did become more soft and with less big pores and less wrinkles. It really does make me look 10 year younger relative to my male peer group.

Now, whenever I go to San Francisco and am spending some serious time en femme, I go and have my eyebrows plucked and my face dermabraded. I have a wonderful technician in Maria Mameesh who works at Sanctuary Spa at the Bay Club, she knows I am transgender. If you go, see her and be sure to say “Hi” from me.

Makeup is one of those areas where you can easily get into a routine and often it is hard to see that your routine is not suiting you. I am sure that Stana will have lots to say on this whole topic and would love to hear her comments.

Except from the makeovers in 2005, from which I learned almost nothing, I have watched makeup lessons at Esprit and at Southern Comfort. I have followed the suggestions in Art and Illusion and I have had two different professional makeovers.

I have learned a lot from the professionals but, in truth, I have learned more from MAC makeovers that I have had. I had a wonderful one in Boston in October. I booked it just before lunch, my BFF BA (non-transgender) booked one for the same time slot and we really enjoyed ourselves.

The fact that I was transgender did not bother the MAC person in the slightest. When I sat in the chair, she handed me some wipes and told me to take off all my makeup. Gulp! In the middle of the shop! A few years ago I would have died at the suggestion (take off my beard cover!), but now, tra-la-la.

She did a wonderful job on me and even BA, who is skilled in this area, agreed. She really brought out the female in me. I nearly cried when I saw the result. It took me back to my original Padora dePledge makeover.

I intend, now, to get a MAC makeover every year or so. You learn so much each time. For the MAC makeover, you do need to pay or to agree to purchase a set amount of product. I doubt that MAC is any better than the others but I feel better there. Stana, as I have said, would be a much better guide than me in this area.

I thought I would finish by giving you my morning and nightly facial routine, which really works for me. Maybe others might like to share their routines below in the Comment section.

At night I use the precleanse with a special sponge cloth to remove all my makeup. I then use the special cleansing gel and the daily microfoliant on my Clarisonic brush. Then I apply the micro-needle roller all over my face and forehead. Next I apply the daily resurfacer and the multi-vitamin power serum and follow that with the super-rich repair and the age reversal eye complex. I know that seems a lot. And probably I am over doing it, but the results please me.

In the morning, I use the Clarsionic again with the special cleansing gel and then follow up with the Nu-face machine. Then I apply a moisturizer from Whole Foods that I like. The Clarisonic and Nu-face have brought my skin to an even higher level and I cannot recommend them too highly.

Next time, I will discuss dress.

(Part 13 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Lapina.

Sha Na Na femulates as chorus girls in a 1978 episode of their television show.

I have woman's hands.

My fingers are long and thin. My knuckles are not big or misshapen from manly manual labor.

Moreover, my index fingers are longer than my ring fingers.

In most women, the index and ring finger are roughly equal in length or the index finger is just a bit longer. But in most men, the ring finger is longer. That's a result of fetal exposure to testosterone (or lack thereof).

In 2006, the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry in Munich performed a study comparing the index and ring fingers of 63 male-to-female transsexuals with 65 female and 58 male control subjects. The study found that the index and ring fingers of male-to-female transsexuals were more likely to match the control females than the control males.

In other words, in male-to-female transsexuals as in cisgender women, the index and ring finger are roughly equal in length or the index finger is just a bit longer.

We were born that way.

Wearing Donna Karen.

Actor Peter Barton femulating with big hair on television’s Sunset Beach in 1998.

By Monica M

This is a short follow-up story to my embarrassing lobby walk incident. Almost one year to the day, I ended up in San Francisco again. By now, I had been through Esprit and Southern Comfort in Atlanta. While I was nowhere as confident as I am now, I was pretty gutsy.

I had never forgotten the lobby bellboy incident and it sometimes came back to haunt my dreams. I decided the best way to beat the ghost was to track it down to its lair.

Off I went en femme to the same hotel. What would you know? The same bellboy was on duty that day. I walked up to him, handed my camera to him and asked him to take a photo in the lobby.

I don't know what he thought, but he did not say anything apart from “Sure, Ma’am. Just here?”

And, here it is one year later! I don't think I pass particularly well in this photo, but it seemed to work. After he had taken the photo, I went to the ladies' restroom (you can see its door over my left shoulder). It was the first time I had ever been to a ladies' room in public. I looked upon it as my revenge for the embarrassment. It put the ghost to rest!

(Part 14 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing ViX.

Model Rickard Engfors.

This was totally unexpected!

While staffing our booth at Hamvention three weeks ago, a video crew from an online ham radio news website interviewed some of my peeps and the video from those interviews came online earlier this week.

Although I was not interviewed, I appear in some of the 51 minutes of video footage standing behind the person being interviewed. (If I knew I was being videotaped, I would have made an effort to increase my presence.)

You can watch all 51 minutes of video to see my appearances, but if you are not interested in the technologies being discussed, it might be boring. So to save you the trouble, I logged the times of my appearances and you can fast-forward to those times to see me.

Look for me in the polka dot dress standing behind the fellow being interviewed at time marks 3:16, 10:40, 16:00, 19:00, and 20:32. Later, I appear wearing my black and white print sheath at time mark 43:40. The last two (20:32 and 43:40) are probably the best of the bunch.

All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

Wearing Lovers + Friends (skort) and Chinti and Parker (sweater).

Fashion designer and model Phillipe Blond.

By Monica M

Clothes are one of the hardest things to get right even for cisgender women. You need to consider what colors best suit you, what styles best fit your shape, what patterns and textures look good on you, what accessories you need and above all, how to best express your personality through your clothes.

These are a bewildering number of combinations and permutations. But, when your clothes reflect your authentic self, you will feel and act confident. You will look more feminine and you most certainly will pass easier.

On first look, you are tempted to throw your hands in the air and just choose at random because it just seems way too hard. But help is on hand. All you need is a strategy and person to provide that strategy for you is and that person is Ginger Burr. She is freaking amazing. I cannot speak too highly of her. She operates out of Boston, is openly gay and treats transgender clients just the way you want to be treated: like any other woman.

You can find Ginger here.

She has a home study course, day courses, monthly calls and lots more. She takes pains to suggest and find the best clothes and best jewelry for you. In truth, having Ginger in your life is like having a one-woman research department who really wants to see you looking your best.

The great thing for us transgender women is that when you become a client of hers, you get access to her forum, where you can post pictures of your outfits and get feedback and suggestions from Ginger and the other girls on the forum. It is an invaluable service and what transgender woman does not have lots of pictures of herself?

During her private consultations, Ginger will give you a palette of which colors best suit you. She will measure you for the Fashion Fit Formula, which determines the best length for skirts, sleeves, where you necklace should hang, etc., etc.

She will also work with you to find a series of words that best describe your personality, for example, quietly complex, not to be messed with, bohemian chic, reflected beauty. You then try and ensure that any outfit you wear (including accessories) match these words. When the outfit matches the words, you look and feel great. It really does work and it takes away all that stress about what is best to wear. I highly recommend it.

You can find more about the Fashion Fit Formula here.

One of the keys to looking good is good foundation wear and Ginger arranged for me to have a bra-fitting at Intimacy in Boston in October.

They did a fantastic job; I did not feel a bit embarrassed or weird. Now I have three bras which fit my breast forms and frame perfectly and I know I look good in them. I went in a 38C, came out a 40D and they fit snug and comfortably. I don't know why I am a D when my breast forms are C, but they are the best bras I have ever worn.

Ginger changed my clothes and thereby, changed my life by helping me really enjoy and love how I look.

I cannot leave the topic without mentioning padding. I look weird without padding; I am a real inverted triangle. With padding I look very authentic and that is how I want to look. I use the Veronica 5 from Classic Curves and it works really well for me.

This is my color palette from Ginger.

And this is an outfit that Ginger helped me select.

(Part 15 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Bottega Veneta (dress), Dior (watch), Prada (boots) and Longchanp (suitcase).

Actor Kenneth More femulating for charity, circa 1960.

By Monica M

2010 was the year of two conventions: Esprit in Port Angeles (the classic coming-out convention) and Southern Comfort in Atlanta (the biggest convention of all).

Esprit was really great for helping one to get out and about. The town is small and seems to love the transgender community. There are so many other and more experienced transgenders out on the street, it makes it so much easier to make those first steps. For example, the Chinese Restaurant where we had dinner one night must not have had too many transgender diners because the staff came by frequently to gawk at us. By then, we were able to take it in our stride.

Typically, there are about 30 or 40 people at Esprit and you quickly get to know them all as you will meet them again and again in the various classes that you take. There were classes on makeup, safety, dress, deportment, voice, wigs, movement, etc. and there are usually a number of guest speakers.

The atmosphere is very friendly and helpful and the committee goes out of its way to help the new people. Couples are very welcome and there are special joint couple sessions. There is a real happy, festival atmosphere as those of us who have repressed our feelings and love of things feminine let it go! I would recommend it to anybody and especially to anybody who has a partner.

We drove to Port Townsend one day for some practice away from the safe home turf. We wandered around the shops in the town and nobody paid us any attention or bothered us despite me being as nervous as a kitten. While walking around the town, I slowly started to calm myself down... so much so that by the time we were leaving, I felt ready to go into an ice cream parlor to get some ice cream for my wife and some coffee for myself.

As soon as I walked into the shop and closed the door behind me, I noticed a troupe of school girls! Oh! No! The literature says that meeting a group of schoolgirls is the worst thing because they have no mercy on us transgenders. I nervously tip-toed past their big table to a table safely out in the yard. Not only did they not harass me, they never even looked at me! Phew!

Here are some photos from my time in Port Angeles. I am normally quite a shy person, but as I was throwing caution to the wind, I decided to go all out and even participated in the fashion show. It was fun.

Southern Comfort is a different experience altogether and it does pay if you are going to join a group as it can be very lonely amongst such a large crowd. It is interesting to see so many trans people, but it is not very intimate and quite impersonal.

Having said that my den mother (whose name I have forgotten, sorry) really did a great job keeping us together and organized. However, I don't think I would bother going to a convention again. I liken it to a Japanese student who wants to learn English. If she only hangs around with other Japanese students while she is in the USA, she will not really learn a lot. It is better to go native and in my case, I figured a better use of my time was to spend it with cisgender women.

But how? The best was yet to come!

Here are pictures from Southern Comfort.

(Part 16 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

Actor George Sanders femulating in the 1970 film The Kremlin Letter.

By Monica M

The final software skill one needs (in my opinion) and which really feeds and enhances all others is the internal female operating software. With apologies to Tolkien, “One skill to rule them and in the darkness bind them.”

I guess you could liken it to the spiritual side. It is the spirit of being a woman. It is being in touch with your body and with your emotions. It is a very different operating system from the male one. Since we have mostly been brought up to ignore our feelings and not be in touch with our bodies, we (as socialized males) need serious coaching in this area... well, I did.

The Art of Feminine Presence (AFP) is an intensive weekend course held in various locations around the country during the year. Usually, the intensive weekend is held in association with a teacher training weekend. I started on the intensive weekend in Portland in 2012 and followed that with the Teacher Training Level 1. I went to Atlanta in 2013 and did Teacher Training 2. I am now the first openly TG person to be a certified Level 2 Teacher in AFP.

Basically, what you learn in AFP is how to listen to your body. How to be aware of it physically, energetically and emotionally. As it is designed to reacquaint women with the Yin side that they have ignored and left behind (through the stresses of the modern world, jobs, etc.), it is ideal for us. It provides us with the skills and experiences that we missed when we took the male socialization path. The intensive weekend gives enough of the basics for you to work on by yourself. The Teacher Training provides new practices, but also takes the earlier practices to a deeper level.

Rachael Jane (the power behind AFP) has written a book about her techniques and those who are interested can check it out here.

Rather than go through the various techniques, I will just document what this body of practice did for me. The benefits were indeed many. I cannot recommend this practice too highly.

The work looks at the Yin and Yang energies that we all have and seeks to tap into the correct energy for the given situation. This seems much more sensible to me than talking about feminine and masculine.

Through the practices, I have really got in touch with my Yin energy. I am now much more in touch with my feelings. I cry more, I laugh more and I feel more. I spend much less time in my head and more time in my body. I know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I know what success as a woman means to me because I have learned it through my body rather than intellectualized about it.

I remember during my first intensive weekend 18 months ago, one of the ladies (whose name escapes me) said to me that she would be curious to see what effect this work would have on me if I practised it diligently for a year. Well, I think I now have the answer!

The confidence gained through the application of the techniques in this work has led to a kind of virtuous spiral. The better I am at projecting as a woman, the more confidence I have. It has touched every aspect of my presentation from my voice to my movement and walk.

Through the work, I am able to ground very quickly if I am in a situation where I am read. Before, my thoughts would go into my head and I would panic. Now I ground myself in my womb space and carry on. I am not responsible for the other person's reaction to me. I can now fully accept that I am transgender and that this state is not something to be embarrassed about.

I am far more confident in my femininity. On my last teacher training course in April, at least two of the women (unprompted) said to me that I was more in touch with my feminine side than any of the cisgender women in the room. Also, during the course, a number of people (including Rachael Jane and Don, the photographer) said that there was no doubt in their minds that my core essence was feminine.

This work has really helped me to find the joy in life and the joy in being the type of woman that I am. Joy flows from this work. It is also very good for getting you in touch with what you really want, rather than what you think you want.

But above and beyond that, it gave me a group of wonderful, supportive and loving women friends, who I will be in contact with for the rest of my life and who I know I can call on if I need help. They all know that I am transgender, but have no problems accepting me as one of their own. What more can a transgender woman ask for? 

To me, this is the essence of being a woman; the hardware is just the sugar dusting on the icing. None of my new women friends care about my hardware; in fact, none have ever even asked me about it! To them I am Monica! I love these women; I have found my real joy in being a woman.

I love being a woman! (Part 17 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

Actor Kenneth-Connor femulating in the 1963 British film Carry On Cabby.

By Monica M

In 2011, having decided that the traditional transgender conventions did not hold a lot for me, don't get me wrong, they are very interesting… just not really my thing. I felt I needed to get more out of my comfort zone. Also, I felt I needed something that would really hone my deportment and movement.

I searched around for something like a classic Swiss finishing school which would teach young ladies all manner of feminine skills and strategies. Instead I came across something called the Yin project which was designed to help women get back in touch with their feminine/Yin side!

This was a home study program with teaching calls and tutorial calls. Hmmm! Seemed ideal to me! I asked if I could join the course even though I was transgender and they readily accepted me. They never made me feel like an outsider or somebody who should not be there. Through a number of Skype calls, Rachael Jane (the energy behind the project) got to know me.

After about a year, the Yin Project morphed into the art of feminine presence. In November 2012, there was an intensive weekend and a teacher training in Portland, Oregon. With much trepidation I decided to go.

About three weeks before the course, I had a massive panic attack and decided I could not possibly take a course with about a dozen other women and cancelled. I was going to go to San Francisco first to spend some time en femme.

I find that going to cultural events in San Francisco is about the easiest thing you can do to build up your confidence en femme. Nobody bothers you and even if they notice you, they still do not bother you. People are too dignified and wrapped up in the experience of the occasion to bother. Nonetheless, it still took me a long time to get the confidence to use the ladies’ room even at a cultural event. Now, I don't even give it a second thought.

Anyway, I had decided to spend a few days getting a facial and doing some personal shopping with Rachel Fauman at Ensemble. I cancelled everything. The very thought of what I had planned to do nearly made me sick with fright.

Gradually, I talked myself around and fortunately for me, found my courage again about a week before my departure for San Francisco. It was all on again. I think it was at this personal shopping expedition with Rachel Fauman that she declared my personal clothes style to be “Synagogue Mom.” My wife got a good kick out of that when I told her.

While in San Francisco, I met somebody who has become a good friend of mine: Bella Cho. Bella own and operates a jewelry store on O'Farrell Street in San Francisco.

She has a shop close to the Hilton and her husband makes most of the jewelry. She is a very knowledgeable and wonderful woman. She enjoys bargaining, but is very fair. I wanted a wedding ring and an engagement ring. I had already bought some imitations from the Internet, but they discolored my finger and did not look authentic.

I have this idea that things that you wear all the time should be as authentic as possible. Then you can afford to be less fussy about casual things. So, my hair is real hair, my rings are real gold (though the stones are zirconium) and my boobs are proper prosthetics. Having said all that, I was a bit shocked at having to pay more for my own rings than I had paid for my wife's rings, but I comforted myself by noting that I did buy them for her nearly 30 years ago!

Above is a picture of me taken by Bella in her shop in April 2014. Notice the big hands! Yikes! If you go see Bella, be sure you tell her I sent you… she may even give you a bigger discount.

I left San Francisco en homme and headed to Portland by plane. I got to the hotel the night before the scheduled start of the course. The course was to start at 9:30 AM. I was up at 7:30 to prep and prime myself.

About 9:15, I nervously left my room and headed for the elevator. I stepped out of the elevator and found the registration desk right in front of me. Laurie Silver and Sally were on duty. I told them who I was and they welcomed me warmly and told me how pleased and happy they were that I was there. They gave me my badge and I opened the door and stepped into the room.

There were at least 30 to 40 people there. I was expecting 10 at the most. I very nearly turned and fled. It is one thing to face 8 to 10 women because that is almost close and intimate and not likely to lead to trouble. But to have to face what eventually turned out to be 50 was like facing a mob. None had been forewarned (and that is only right) about the presence of an alien, so some were as shocked as I was. But there was never any animosity or nastiness.

I am proud to say that I was the first transgender person to take the intensive weekend course and do teacher training level 1. I went on later to take teacher training level 2 and am still (as far as I am aware) the only transgender person in the organization.

I made some very good and lasting friends at that course in Portland. Can you spot me in this picture of some of my friends in Portland?

(Part 18 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Sharagano.

Kyle Rehling dressed for the prom in 2011.

Last week, I changed my Facebook profile photo to the one you see on the right.

In response to that change, I received 30 likes and a handful of positive comments. I also received a message from one of my Facebook friends, Lisa, who commented that my "skin looks so good" that she wanted to know if I lasered my face.

After exchanging a few messages with Lisa, I realized that my blog readers might want to know how this 63-year-old lady manages to look only 62 years old! So I will spill the beans here and in tomorrow’s installment of Femulate.

I never had laser hair removal or any other permanent hair removal. Nor am I on or ever have been on hormones.

I get a very close shave using Edge shaving gel and the manual version of the Gillette Fusion razor with a new or nearly new blade (never a blade that has been used more than three times).

After I shave a portion of my face and neck in one vertical direction (three or four swipes up or down), I quickly shave in the opposite direction without reapplying the shaving gel.

After I am done, but while my face is still wet, I feel my face for any rough spots that I missed and go over those spots again without reapplying the shaving gel.

I have two trouble spots that require extra attention. They are under my chin on each side of the center of my chin. Typically, I have to shave these spots in four directions to eliminate the beard... again without reapplying the shaving gel.

I keep a bottle of witch hazel handy in case I nick myself. A light dab of that astringent to the bleeding area usually takes care of the problem quickly and I can continue getting pretty.

The Gillette Fusion razor does a very good job and its results last most of the day. But by late afternoon, I see hairs reappearing usually on my chin.

Here is a trick I learned from Hollywood makeup artist Jim Bridges when he gave me my first makeover at First Event back in 1995. After attending First Event all day long, I would return to my room in the late afternoon, remove all my makeup, shave with a manual razor, then reapply my makeup for the evening festivities. Besides wasting time removing and reapplying makeup, using a manual razor twice a day over a few days resulted in razor burns on my face!

Jim recommended leaving my makeup on and attending to the new beard growth with an electric razor. And then touch up any makeup that the electric razor might have disturbed.

This method saved time and avoided the razor burns. I have used it ever since for full days en femme. By the way, my electric razor is a three-head rotary style razor from Philips Norelco. It has a rechargeable battery that lasts a long time, so if I am on the road for the day en femme, I can even use the razor in my car to fix my face.

In the tomorrow’s post, I will discuss putting stuff on my face rather than taking stuff off my face.

Any questions?

Wearing Spiegel.

Heidi Phox.

Yesterday, I answered my Facebook friend's question about facial hair removal. Lisa also asked, "Do you wear makeup or foundation?"

(Wow - What a compliment if she thought I didn't wear makeup or foundation!)

But I do wear makeup and foundation, specifically, Avon makeup and Avon liquid foundation.

But before I wear makeup, I put on moisturizer. Every morning after I shower and shave, even on those days I am not going out en femme, I apply moisturizer to my face and neck.
For years, I never did any day-to-day facial maintenance. When I went out en femme, I'd apply makeup to my unmaintained face and I looked good for a guy in drag, but I never achieved that "feminine best" look that I saw on other women.

Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About eight years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and decided to experiment with other skin care products, primarily moisturizers

After using skin care products for over eight years, my wrinkles are hardly noticeable and my skin is smoother, more supple, and healthier-looking. My makeup goes on easier and looks better. Professional makeup consultants have complimented me on my complexion. And now I can achieve that "feminine best" look.

I cannot emphasize enough the need to maintain your skin on a daily basis. You cannot look your feminine best unless you take care of your face everyday.

Currently, I use Olay Complete moisturizer and Avon Elements Moisture Boost Eye Cream. They work for me, but your mileage may vary.

One good thing about getting old is that my beard turned gray and that eliminated the need to use a beard cover.

When my beard was dark, I used a beard cover on the muzzle of my face --- RCMA beard cover CMBC2 from Alcone. It is expensive, but lasts forever; in fact, I never used up the tub of beard cover I bought years ago.

Sans beard cover, I apply makeup in the following order:

• Foundation (liquid)
• Concealer (under eyes)
• Translucent powder
• Contour (powders)
• Blush (powder)
• Translucent powder
• Eyebrow pencil
• Eyeshadow (powders)
• Eyeliner (For better control, I use black eyeshadow powder applied with an eyeliner brush rather than using liquid eyeliner.)
• Eyelash curler
• Mascara (After the mascara dries, I use a metal eyelash brush to separate any eyelashes that are clumped together. I usually follow that with a second application of mascara.)
• Lip liner (I use a shade just slightly darker than the shade of lipstick I am using. To simulate plump lips, I use a dark shade below my lower lip to simulate a dark shadow which would occur if my lower lip was really plump.)
• Lipstick (I use a lip brush to apply lipstick. After applying lipstick, I blot my lips with a tissue. Then I powder my lips with translucent powder and reapply the lipstick. This helps the lipstick to last longer.)
• Translucent powder

Any questions?

Wearing Beulah (top) and Olivaceous (skirt).

Fashion model Stepan Malleta.

By Monica M

Another major influence on the development of my internal feminine software has been the various Feminine Power courses.

These are a set of online courses (there may be a physical meet-up, but I have not come across it yet) where you have a number of teaching calls, coaching calls and set assignments. Mostly it is the interaction with the other women on the site and the completion of the assignments that helps you grow and develop.

Again, when I signed up, I told them I was transgender and they had no problem with that. In fact, part way through the course, the course coordinator Keren Clark made a point of having a Skype call with me to make sure that I was ok, that I was not being left out and that people were treating me properly. I was mightily impressed. She told me that I was the first openly transgender person that they had come across on their courses. She could not have been sweeter.

Basically, the course is about getting in touch with your authentic self and determining what it is you want to dedicate your life to doing. It is about finding the false assumptions that rule your life, eliminating them and replacing them with more realistic assumptions.

Through this, I worked out my own Power Statement, that is, the place I need to operate from and the person I need to show up as. My Power Statement: I am a strong radiant, graceful, elegant, feminine woman who is fully grounded in her femininity. This is the person I am becoming and this is the person I expect to show up as.

I have an evolutionary sister, BA, who helps me if I stray from this path. After using this Power Statement for some time, I felt a bit uncomfortable and fragmented when presenting en homme and so I had (with the help Keren) to come up with a Power Statement for my male side that supported my authentic Power Statement. Here is my male Power Statement: my function as a male is to provide a protected and nurturing environment which allows my female side to grow and develop and gives her the ability to feed radiance to her in the service of the whole.

You quickly learn through an in-depth course such as this that all women (even transgender women) have the same problems. They are not happy with their bodies (neither are we, though in a different way!). They do not feel that they are enough (yep, got that one too!). They do not feel that they are being heard/seen (check!). They do not feel that they belong (double check that), etc. It is quite illuminating to see the parallels. One time I was complaining on the site that I often did not feel like a proper woman; one friend replied, ”Welcome to my world”.

AFP and FP really complement each other in my experience. Some of it is the same ground, but the perspective is a bit different. Both are extremely useful in helping one change one's software. The change in software has meant that the last four years (since Esprit 2010) have been the most joyful years of my life. I have been able to get in touch with my authentic self and that brings a great sense of coming home. I am complete!

(Part 19 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.

Actors John Stamos and Bob Saget femulating as
Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot.

By Monica M

In April 2013, I went to Austin to take part in Teacher Training 2. I was already a Level 1 teacher from my training in Portland the previous year. Here I again met a wonderful bunch of women such as Alex, BethAnn, Amrita, Mei and the other sisters. These people could not have been nicer to me and really took me under their wing. We had so much fun there.

A number of incidents stick out in my mind. In the hotel, the ladies' room was quite close to the room we were using for our training. I had no problem using the ladies’ room and none of the ladies seemed to mind or complain about it.

As the ladies' room cubicle walls were about a foot above the floor, anybody coming in could see the shoes of those inside. My shoes were quite distinctive on this particular day. One of the ladies came in, she could see my shoes, but I could not see her or her shoes.

“Monica, Oh, Monica. Be sure to put down the seat when you finish!” she sang out. This, despite the fact that my shoes were pointing the correct way as I was sitting down! The whole ladies' room collapsed in squeals of laughter. Those girls were devils! What a fun bunch!

Mei, me, Keri and Amrita.

On the last day of the course, one of the ladies asked to talk to me privately. I had no idea what to expect! She told me that when she saw me in the room and realized that I was transgender, she got so angry that she was about to go to the organizers and have me removed. Her initial reaction was that this should be a sacred space for woman only!

However, she calmed herself down and meditated on the situation. She decided to just go with the flow as this is part of the training in AFP. She told me she was so glad I had been there as my presence had changed her whole attitude to transgender people. I did well without even knowing it! Needless to say, I had no idea that all this was happening inside her. Little did I think that I would become an ambassador for the cause.

This is a picture of me getting in touch with my inner something or other.
Did I mention that we had fun?

I had met Amrita and Mei at the teacher training in Portland and we became a close bunch. We ate together most lunch times and evenings at the local Whole Foods Market or at a local restaurant. I had also met Beth Ann in Portland, but we had not really connected as she had only been there for the intensive weekend. Mei and Amrita had been there for the full week. You could not hope for such a wonderful bunch of women and close friends. These girls mean so much to me; they are like sisters... only closer!

BethAnn contacted me soon after Portland and we quickly established a very positive rapport. She told me that when she heard my voice (ouch!) and realized that I was transgender, she too had a very negative reaction to sacred female space being invaded! Thankfully, she got over it and now is my closest BFFs.

Time for a serious chat with Cassie!
Amrita looking on to see what BS I putting out there! :)

The group photo: Rachael Jane on the extreme left and
BethAnn and Amrita in the front row on the right.

(Part 20 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Emploi.

Stephanie Yates

By Monica M

In October 2013, my wife and I went to Boston. I went on the one-day course that Ginger held just outside Boston. There were only three of us taking the course. Ginger knew that I was transgender and it was not a problem; I was far from the first transgender client that she had.

We had her full and undivided attention for the whole day. I tried on lots of outfits and was given feedback by Ginger and the others. It was such a valuable and wonderful experience. The course was held in a really nice country inn in Tyngsboro.

I had had spent a day with Ginger earlier in the week getting my colors and Fashion Fit Formula done. She also took me on a shopping outing and organized a bra fitting, a facial, and a tutorial on wig care. Ginger is an amazing resource to have in your life.

My BFF and evolutionary sister extraordinaire, BethAnn also lives in Boston, so we got to spend time with her and her husband. She and I even organized to have a MAC makeover at the same time, followed by lunch. How girly is that!

BethAnn and I in Boston before we rented a car and head off to see Ginger.

In April 2014, I set off for Denver (having done the obligatory confidence build-up in San Francisco) to do Teacher Training 2 for the second time.

I notice now that after all the work I have done on myself and the techniques that I have practiced, nothing scares me any more... not being read, not going into the ladies' room in public places. I am even happy to get in the line at the ladies' room now. This is something I would not even have dreamed about 18 months ago.

Teacher Training 2 was very good. It had about ten women taking the course and as usual with AFP ladies, they treated me wonderfully. Unfortunately, BethAnn could not make the course, but my dear, dear friend Amrita was there. She brings so much joy to my heart. She is such a wonderful person. Truly, she has the heart of a Buddha! We hung around together a lot and really enjoyed each other’s company.

This is a picture of her having a margarita (well it was my margarita!) on the night that the course finished. We had gone to a local Mexican restaurant. Amrita had also joined me at dinner with Kathe Perez earlier in the week and the two got on very well. It was so sweet completing the circles in some way! Amrita is very keen for me to go to Japan to meet her AFP group and to work with Japanese transgenders.

At this Teacher Training, I learned to practice a new technique: opening the heart. The idea is to open your heart and let your innate femininity shine out. This technique should really help me pass more effectively as people will respond (if only unconsciously) to my feminine essence and not be distracted by the male signals, large hands, etc. It will be an interesting experiment, if nothing else!

So this is the end of my tale. I am accepted by my AFP friends as being one of them. I have wonderful girlfriends, who I know I can rely on for support. I have a weekly heart circle call with about five or six close female friends, who treat me like any other woman. By my definition, I have succeeded in my journey. I really love being a woman, for me it is a whole other and joyful world.

Having been the first TG into AFP and FP, I look forward to knowing who the first transgender is to take Mama Gina's Course and how it went.

I have tried to show here one of the many ways of becoming the woman you desire, there are plenty of ways of achieving the dream. Suicide should not even be considered an option. There are lots of people out there who are happy to befriend you and relate to you as a woman and that brings a lot of joy to life.

My final message: say “no” to suicide. There is a path that is waiting for you; it is probably just around the corner. Wait for it!

In closing, I would like to thank the many who have helped me on my journey.

My wife for supporting and loving me and always believing in me and negotiating a settlement where she can keep her man and I can stop being a man!

Stana for giving me the space to pontificate here.

Rachael Jane for helping me change my operating system.

Ginger for kindling a new perspective on clothes.

BethAnn, Amrita and Mei for being so kind to me and supporting me in my attempts to really be myself.

Kathe for my voice!

Don for showing me the woman inside me.

Alex, Laurie, Sally, Ella, Cynthia, Virginia, Elena, Su, Marlese, Anna, Maria, Bella, Elisa, and all the other women, too numerous to mention from AFP an FP, who have gone out of their way to help me become the woman of my dreams.

And to finish, a photo from Don of how I now see myself.

Thank you all.

Over and out!

And finally, a word from our sponsor! :)

(Part 21 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing St. John Collection.

Andrej Pejić

As an Avon lady for over 18 years, I have seen a lot of Avon jewelry come my way. And whenever that jewelry includes clip-on earrings, I almost always make a purchase because my Avon lady discount makes the price just right.

I do the same thing when I am out shopping en femme. Clip-on earrings are such a rarity that I often buy what I find.

As a result, I have bought a lot of earrings that I never wear. Instead, I wear the same favorite clip-ons over and over again. So it makes sense to stop buying earrings I don't wear and buy earrings like those I prefer to wear, that is, vintage-style clip-on earrings.

Try finding vintage-style clip-on earrings. Antique stores have them, but they are expensive. I bought two pairs at a Provincetown antique store last time I attended Fantasia Fair and the price was right because it was the dead end of the season. The price is not right most of the rest of the time.

Then it occurred to me to try shopping where I have found many bargains in the past: eBay.

A quick search on eBay turned up a truckload of clip-on earrings including the kind I like. I placed some bids and succeeded seven times for a total cost of $16.95. Two pairs of earrings were $6 each, while the remaining five pairs were 99 cents each. Shipping was free on the $6 pairs and only $2.01 for the remaining five pairs, which were one bundle from one seller.

The accompanying photo show the seven pairs I won on eBay. The $6 pairs are the dangly gold strands (lower right) and the gold squares (bottom), which actually have faux mother of pearl, not gold centers.

Wearing Robert Rodriguez.

Actor Julian Eltinge femulating in the 1917 film Countess Charming.

In response to my clip-on earrings post on Monday, Robin wrote urging me to get my ears pierced. She mentioned that if the pain of getting my ears pieced was the issue, I had nothing to fear but ear fear itself, because the pain "was nothing."

I replied that I usually get my teeth fixed without Novocain or whatever they use these days, so pain is not an issue.. Rather, my spouse is the issue.

She is not thrilled with the fact that her husband is a woman, but she realizes that I must let my girl out for air once in awhile. I appreciate that she is OK with me being the authentic me some of the time, but I don't want to rub her nose in it.

Everyday, she sees signs that remind her that her husband is a woman.

We share a walk-in closet and as she enters it, she encounters a rack now half full of her husband's dresses, skirts, blouses, and slacks. On the floor below those pretty things are countless boxes containing her husband's high heels. Next to the shoes are storage totes containing her husband's lingerie and hosiery. Next to the totes is her husband's cosmetics box. Still other totes contain her husband's jewelry and purses. And on the shelf above her tops and jeans is a tote containing her husband's coiffures.

If I dress as a woman when my spouse is home, I avoid my spouse so that she does not see her husband as a woman because she has often said, "I don't want to see you dressed as a woman." (On occasion, curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to see how I look, but I don't show her unless she is interested.)

My body has signs that may remind her that I am a woman. My hairless arms, legs, breasts, shoulders and back are the most obvious signs.

Less obvious are my neatly maintained eyebrows (eyeglasses hide how neat and feminine they actually look).

She never mentions the stuff in our closet, nor my shaved body, nor my feminized eyebrows --- out of sight, out of mind.

But if I had my ears pierced, there would be no way to hide that from her. It would be a constant reminder that I am a woman, so I let it be.

Wearing Light in the Box.

Femulating British sailor, circa 1910

This beautiful teenager was hassled by the South Carolina DMV after passing the driver's license test and waiting to be photographed for the license. Chase Culpepper, who wears makeup and androgynous or girls’ clothing on a regular basis, was told to remove the makeup and “look more like a boy" for the photo.

According to a DMV spokesperson, the DMV works with law enforcement on these decisions. "If it says male [on the license], that's what they're gonna look for. They expect the photo to be of a man."

I guess it's time to introduce those folks to the 21st Century!

Meanwhile, Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund (TLDEF) is on the case.

Wearing Shoshanna.

Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone, before and after.
Note that they are wearing dresses before and after!

I loved The Beach Boys' music first, then I fell in love with The Beatles' music. I have been a Beatlemaniac ever since.

During the height of Beatlemania, I acted indifferently towards The Fab Four. My indifference was part of my disguise.

I worried that if I showed any interest in The Beatles, people would perceive that as a girly thing. Next thing you know, they would put two and two together and figure out that if I was doing girly things, then I must be girly. The fact that I had feminine speech and mannerisms would just confirm their conclusion.

In my late teens, I abandoned my disguise (because it was not working) and was completely open about my Beatlemania. I bought all their LPs, 45s, EPs, tapes, CDs, DVDs and as many bootlegs as I could find. When I visited the UK in the mid-1980s, I found Abbey Road and had my photo taken crossing the famous crosswalk. And on and on and on.

Anyway, I finally saw The Beatles in person on Saturday night! Well, more like one-quarter of The Beatles or one-half of the surviving Beatles.

Ringo Starr performed at a local concert hall and I had almost a front row seat to see the show. I had a wonderful time and enjoyed the show immensely.

Two things stuck out in my mind about the show.

• Ringo is petite. He is short and amazingly thin. When he came out on the stage, I thought that he looked more like a college kid than a 72-year-old.
• Although most of the audience were my peers, there were a lot of younger people in the crowd who seemed to be big fans. For example, in the row in front of me there were three girls in their late teens or early 20s who twisted and shouted throughout the show and knew all the words to all the songs --- not just the words of The Beatles' tunes that Ringo sang, but his solo hits and non-hits as well!

So, goo goo g'joob.

Wearing Brahmin.

Femulate reader Fiona femulating at Royal Ascot.

Jan Brown passed along a valuable online tool for folks seeking GLBT support and resources: GLBT Near Me. Enter your ZIP Code and how many miles you are willing to travel from your ZIP Code to get support. Then select a category, for example, "Transgender, and click on the Search button. In response, the web tool returns a list of resources that fit the parameters you entered. Very cool and very useful!

Wearing Daily Look.

Recent womanless beauty pageant contestant.