Today, I am on the road traveling to Dayton, Ohio, to attend Hamvention. As Kimberly of Traveling Transgendered fame often says when she travels en femme, I am traveling pretty and I will also be attending the convention pretty. My dance card is pretty full for the next four days, so I cannot predict how often I will be able to post to the blog, but I do know I will have a lot to write about after I return Sunday night. Also, Monica M’s series, “One Person's Journey to Womanhood,” will resume after I return. By the way, I will be staffing the TAPR suite of booths (numbers 451 through 454) off and on during Friday and Saturday. If you are going to the convention, stop by and say “Hello!”

Johanna Arrow, a Femulate reader from Sweden.

Wearing Naven.

After 12 hours on 710 miles of bad road, I arrived home, unloaded the car and went to bed.

I have a lot of catching up to do and will get to it as quickly as possible. Until then, I leave you with today’s installment of Lila (she and I were separated at birth!).

Wednesday (Dayton Day Zero)

Wednesday was a travel day in boy mode because I left home as early as possible to beat the bad weather.

Except for two short downpours in central Pennsylvania, the weather on the first leg of the trip was fine for driving.  I drove 7-1/2 hours and stayed at a hotel on the Ohio-Pennsylvania border;  when I exited my car at the hotel, I was surprised by the heat and humidity. The temperature was in the high 80's and the humidity was in the same neighborhood.

After I settled into my hotel room, all hell broke loose. The sky turned black and there was a thundershower with pea-sized hail. A cold front blew through and the temperature dropped and stayed low throughout the Hamvention (I woke up to sub-40 degree temps each morning in Dayton).  And it rained off and on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

I did not expect the low temperatures and all the outfits I packed were sleeveless. Luckily I had brought a trench coat and hoody!

Thursday (Dayton Day One)

Up at 5 AM (as usual), I shaved, showered and did my makeup.

My makeup collection is contained in a big tackle box that I bought years ago. It has everything I need, but do I need everything?

I was determined to make an effort to keep track of exactly what I used throughout the weekend so that in the future, I could travel a little lighter makeup wise.

Thursday, I wore my new black jumpsuit from Fashion to Figure, nude 3-inch high heels from Payless, and accessorized with jewelry and a nude bag from Avon. Also, I wore a new do for the first time (Meredith from Henry Margu). Its color is "Gold Blonde with Glazed Strawberry Blonde Highlights."

I checked myself out in the full-length mirror, thought to myself, "Yes - you are a woman,"  took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

The hallway was deserted.

I pressed the button for the elevator. When it arrived, a young couple were already on board. Since I was on the top floor of the hotel, I waited for them to exit.

When they realized what I was doing, they motioned for me to get on board. Turned out that they were going down, too, but got on the elevator from the floor below when it was going up to get me. When the elevator went down and stopped at the next floor, I joked, "This is where you get on."

They laughed at my little joke. When we arrived at the lobby, they let the funny old lady (me) get off first.

I went to the dining area and there were two couples seated and eating. A senior gent from one of the couples watched me intently while I selected the items for my breakfast (yogurt, fruit and coffee). I think he wanted a date, but all they had were apples and oranges.

I ate while watching the news on the television. There was a tornado that did some destruction overnight elsewhere in Ohio. I was not surprised considering the kind of weather that I saw in my neck of the woods Wednesday evening.

After breakfast, I returned to my room to freshen up, moved my bags to my car and checked out. This was the potential exciting part because I checked in presenting as a male, but I was checking out presenting as a female.

The potential for excitement would be even higher if the same person who checked me in was working the front desk when I checked out, but she was a no-show. The fellow working the desk was the same fellow who was working the desk when I checked out last year (I have stayed at the same hotel three years in a row). He was polite as could be, used the correct pronouns and gave away no hints that he knew anything was amiss.

There was no excitement until I got back on the Interstate and encountered a deluge just north of Columbus. The rain was falling so heavily for a minute or so that visibility was next to zero, so I slowed down to a crawl until the rain let up a bit.

I arrived at my hotel in Dayton and checked in. Liz, a very young lady was working the front desk and she was as accommodating as could be. She did not bat an eye when I asked her to change the name on my reservation because there was an error (a male first name - how did that happen!) --- I wanted the name on the reservation to match the name (Stana) on my Hilton Honors Awards card.

After checking in, I moved my luggage to the room and relaxed while reading my e-mails. After an hour, I was bored, so I moved to the lobby to people-watch while reading my e-mails. Most of the people I watched were fellow board members of my group who were either staying in the hotel or were showing up early for our 6 PM board meeting.

My iPhone rang and it was another board member who was in charge of paying the bills for the meeting. He called to ask me if I, as the group's secretary, knew if anyone had arranged for food for the board meeting. No one had, so he met me in the lobby to discuss the matter while looking over menus of local food providers. We quickly made an executive decision to order apizza and salad.

After  returning to my room to get a cold drink and freshen my makeup, I proceeded to the meeting room for the board meeting. I greeted the two board members, who were already present, then took a seat. One-by-one, the other board members arrived and the meeting got underway after everyone had a chance to get salad and apizza.

I will not go into details about the board meeting except to say that everyone who knew me before femulation treated me as they always have. The only difference was that they now use different pronouns (and they have become very good at doing that).

On the other hand, the two newcomers at the meeting, who did not know the old me, did not have to use new pronouns and they treated me as a woman because that's all they know.

Actor Anthony Berry femulating on British television’s Coronation Street in 2007.

Wearing Lafayette 148 New York.

Going to Hamvention is not a vacation in the sense that I can relax. Staffing a booth requires being up and running at the booth when the show opens. So just as if I was going to my day job, I was up at 5 AM to shave, shower, and dress and then add 30 to 45 minutes to do my makeup.

On Friday, I wore one of my new dresses from Fashion to Figure... a figure-hugging black and white sheath. Accessories included black thigh-highs from Berkshire, black patent "Janine" pumps from Payless, jewelry from Avon and Fashion Bug, and a black bag from Payless. I also brought along a pair of mid-heel black "Daylight" wedges from Payless in case the 3-inch Janine pumps wore out their welcome.

On Saturday, I wore my navy blue white polka dot dress from Avon with basically the same accessories as Friday except I wore a pearl necklace and white watch instead of a silver necklace and black watch.

On both days, I left my room and walked down the hall to the hotel restaurant at approximately 7 AM (my room was on the first floor just off the lobby). Found an empty table and had a banana, yogurt, and coffee while I people-watched the people who watched me when I entered the restaurant.

Nothing grabs the attention of a room full of guys like the sound of high heels entering the room. Everyone (even the women) stop what they are doing to see who is the source of that oh-so feminine sound and in this case, it happened to be me.

The same thing happened in the convention hall --- the sound of high heels acts like a siren to alert everyone to the presence of a siren.

I was one of the few people at the show in heels. Other women who staff booths wear sensible shoes unless they are "booth babes" and I don't recall seeing any "booth babes" at the show this year, so I might have been the only one in heels. By the way, I wore the heels all day. They were very comfortable and I never had to fall back to my wedges.

After breakfast, I returned to my room to freshen up and then returned to the lobby to meet up with the fellow who I would carpool with Friday and Saturday (he drove during the day and I drove at night). We arrived at the convention hall at about 8 AM and got ready for the throngs that would appear when the hall opened to the public at 9 AM.

I still run into old friends and acquaintances at Hamvention who are not aware of Stana and there were four instances of this occurrence over the weekend that were interesting. In all four cases, I had known the fellows for at least 10 to 15 years and in one case, it was over 40 years.

Three of the four guys acted exactly the same when they saw me, that is, they acted as if nothing was different. They were just as friendly as they had been in the past and chatted with me like old friends chat when they have not seen each other in awhile. The three made no mention of my change. It is possible that they were already aware of my change before encountering me in person, but nonetheless, they seemed to have no problem with it.

The fourth fellow was a little different. He was just as friendly and chatty as the other three, but he was genuinely excited about my transformation and specifically wanted to know the source of my shapely legs (blame my Mother).

Most of my old friends and acquaintances have acted in a similar manner. They accepted me as a friend before the change and now they found that same friend after the change (maybe a little more attractive than before the change), but the same friend nonetheless.

Strangers are different matter and most of the people I encountered over the weekend were strangers. Strangers are not aware of my past. When they see me they see someone presenting as a tall woman, so they assume that I am a tall woman until I give them evidence that is contrary to that presentation. For example, a couple of times I inadvertently slipped into my normal male voice and I realized what had happened when I noticed strangers  noticing the discrepancy between my voice and the rest of my presentation.

Standing in the booth, I had a smile pasted on my face most of the time. Many men and almost all the women who came my way returned the smile with some even adding a "Hi" or "Hello."

And two women even came over to say, "I love your dress!"

I love that!

B. Scott, the beautiful femulating TV, radio and Internet personality

Wearing Kamalikulture.

Whereas my Dayton days two and three (Friday and Saturday) were similar and tend to blur together, my Dayton nights two and three were very different. Friday night, I attended our group's annual banquet and Saturday night, I attended a cookout at the home of one of the board members of my group who lives in the Dayton suburbs.

Banquet

Our banquet occurs in a banquet facility in the suburbs south of Dayton. The food is always excellent, the after-dinner speaker is usually a well-known name in ham radio, and as a result, we fill the hall every year.

I wore my new orange and black peplum dress from Fashion to Figure with the same accessories I wore during the day sans necklace.

I drove to the hall with my carpool buddy, John, who had the job of collecting tickets at the event. So we had to arrive as early as possible, but since we are among the earliest arrivals, we can get a good table up front.

I had to go to the ladies' room upon arrival, so John picked a table and prepared to collect tickets. When I got to the table, a gent was already seated there. I did not know him, so I sat myself down and introduced myself.

He was a retired electrical engineer, but had only been a ham for a year and was attending his first Hamvention. We got along swimmingly and chatted about our families, careers, ham radio and Hamvention.

Ten minutes or so later, an old friend, someone who knew me as a boy before he knew me as a girl, joined our table and the conversation. Then two more strangers joined our table and there were introductions all around. I struck up a conversation with the two newcomers and we had a nice chat.

Everyone I encountered at the banquet, male and female, guests and banquet hall employees alike, were friendly and I had a great time.

Cookout

I was a little worried about attending the cookout because of the weather. It was cold, rained throughout the day and I did not have proper clothing.

I wore black leggings with zippers on the cuffs from Macy's, a new blue peplum top from Fashion to Figure, black thigh-highs from Berkshire, mid-heel black "Daylight" wedges from Payless, and minimum jewelry. Over that outfit, I wore my blue Red Sox hoodie from my male wardrobe, which was the only piece of clothing I had that was appropriate for the weather.

When I entered the house, the hostess greeted me, "You're Stana, correct?"

She remembered me from when I attended the cookout two years ago. She was the perfect hostess to this transwoman on Saturday as she was in 2012.

There were about 50 people at the cookout. Some I knew (my fellow board members), most I did not, but almost all were very friendly... especially the guys. Guy after guy went out of their way to introduce themselves to me and chat awhile.

On the other hand, some of the other women in attendance were not so friendly. Most of the women were spouses of the guys in attendance and when my hostess introduced me to a table in a girl-boy-girl-boy arrangement, the girls were kind of cold. One woman in particular did not let up and sent daggers my way whenever I was in her vicinity.

Transphobia or jealousy? I like to think the latter, but you never know about the former.

The rain finally stopped, but the temperature was cold, so eating outdoors was a little uncomfortable, although the meal was excellent.

John and I both were leaving early Sunday morning, so we were the first to depart. As I said my final goodbyes, one of the fellows who was working at our booth came over and gave me a big hug. He has a transbrother and is sympathetic to transgender folks.

I appreciated the gesture and it was a beautiful way to end my trip to Dayton.

Johnnie David femulating in 1937.

Wearing Sue Wong.

In addition to the new hairdo, new dresses and new shoes that I wore to the Hamvention last week, I also wore new shapewear: the Squeem Perfect Waist.

I was such a satisfied customer of the Squeem Miracle Vest that I was anxious to try out the other products that Squeem offers and the Perfect Waist seemed like the logical choice.

Basically, the Perfect Waist is the Miracle Vest without shoulder straps and upper back and underarm support. If you do not have back fat issues, then the Perfect Waist is for you.

Perfect Waist knocked inches off my waistline and flattened my tummy to give me the girlish curves I so desired. A picture is worth a thousand words and the accompanying photo of me in the sheath dress I wore last Friday shows the results of what Perfect Waist can accomplish. I assure you that sans Perfect Waist, the curves you see in that photo do not exist.

Perfect Waist also improved my posture and provided back support that painlessly got me through two 8-hour days staffing the booth at the Hamvention. At the end of those days, my feet knew I wore high heels all day long, but my torso had no complaints from wearing Perfect Waist.

Like the Miracle Vest, the instructions for the Perfect Waist recommend breaking it in gradually by wearing it one hour the first time, two hours the second time, etc. But just like the first time I wore the Miracle Vest, the first time I wore the Perfect Waist, I was all-in and wore it for over 12 hours! I suffered no ill effects from wearing the Perfect Waist for 12 hours out of the box, perhaps because my body was already acclimated to wearing the Miracle Vest for extended periods of time, but your mileage may vary.

Perfect Waist is the perfect choice for girls like us who are seeking that perfect curve.

Actor Ben Sander femulating television personality Sabrina “Brini” Maxwell.

Joan Crawford

By Cheryl

It seems that it is common for boy bands in South Korea to perform while crossdressed. Recently, I was surfing the Internet and found this example of a great femulation in South Korea.

Music Core is a South Korean music television program. The show features popular artists who perform live on stage.

It recently completed its 400th show and to celebrate this milestone, they featured a popular girl band called Girl’s Day. As part of the special show, they asked members from four different boy bands to join forces, create a group called “Boy’s Day” and to perform on the show. The catch was that the boy band members were to perform dressed as girls.

Here are links (one, two, and three) to websites displaying photos of the group and here are links (one and two) to YouTube videos of the group’s performance.

This is not just some quickly thrown together crossdressing; rather it is excellent femulation. A lot effort was made to make each member look as feminine as possible.

By the way, each of these boy band members has previously crossdressed. Just Google the name of each band member or the name of their original group to see many examples of their fondness for heels and lipstick.

A pair of stylish femulators in 1929.

Doris Day

Actors Kyle Crawford, Chris Pool, Johnny Nichols, Kevin Daugherty and
Cameron Dunbar femulating on stage in Re-Designing Women, 2014.

Wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Actors femulating on stage in Casa Valentina. 2014.

Wearing Erin Fetherston.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 10

By Monica M 

I have said that, from an engineering perspective, we can break down the femulate problem into five components (how male is that!): one hardware and four software. Not having had any changes to my hardware (or hormones other than the, thankfully, a depletion of testosterone), I don't really feel qualified to deal with the hardware issue. However, from observation and experience I feel that “the vag is not the badge.” There are more fruitful avenues of approach to presenting as (and feeling oneself to be) a woman – namely, the software approach.

The first draft of the Fantasia Fair daily schedule is now up and running on the Internet and includes the Femulate Blog Party, which is all set for Tuesday afternoon.

The party is "A gathering of readers, followers and interested parties of the Femulate blog (femulate.org) for the purpose of meeting all the femulators in person and to discuss the fine art of femulating, i.e., emulating a female (among the general public)."

I will be there (I better be there!) and I hope to see you there, too!

And if you want a look ahead to get a glimpse of where this may all be going, look to our youth and specifically, look at the House of Alexzander, which is "Not your average fashion blog. Constructed by Elliott Alexzander as a collective source for his own personal style, House Of Alexzander quickly became an inspirational power house for the gender variant community."

I will make no attempt to pigeon-hole Elliott, but I believe he is a kindred spirit and representative of the younger generation which is not constrained by the definitions of "gender" that was affixed to my generation and those that preceded mine.

Read Elliott's blog and I am sure you will be intrigued, impressed and wish that you were a youngster today and able to freely express your gender.

Andrej Pejic, model.

Wearing Gucci (dress, coat, boots), Dior (watch), Balenciaga (bracelet),
Rimowa Case and Globe Trotter (luggage).

By Monica M

I had seen somewhere on the Web that there were transgender conventions and I managed to persuade my wife to go along with me. The “traditional” one (so they say) for newly-emerging transgenders is Esprit, which happens in Port Angeles, Washington State in May each year.

We decided that we would aim for 2010 Esprit. The convention is very couple-friendly and has special couples’s sessions. These were run by the wonderful Dotti Berry. My wife agreed to come on the basis that we make a holiday out of it and that if she did not gel with the other partners, she could just do her own thing. For convenience sake and for shopping sake, we decided to go to San Francisco and drive up to Espirit over a number of days.

I knew it was time to get serious about presenting as a woman. I ordered and devoured Art and Illusion by JoAnn Roberts. This gave me the basics of makeup, dress and movement. I ordered the voice CDs from Kathe Perez about six months before and practiced daily. I ordered the movement DVDs from Denae Doyle and practiced her moves.

My first makeup was anything discarded or unwanted from my wife. But I quickly realized that they were not doing the job and so I moved to Kryolan, the theatrical makeup and used that for the next couple of years. That helped a lot to hide the blemishes, but the problem really was a lack of good skin care. Then, I discovered Dermologica and it radically changed the quality of my skin. So much so that now I looked overly made up in the Kyrolan and gradually switched to MAC (but that was some time in the future!).

I learned from Denae that if you are serious about passing, you need a real hair wig and not a nylon one. She recommended Hansen Fontana in San Francisco. Our plan was to stay in a hotel in downtown San Francisco close to Hansen Fontana and for me to go there in drag with my wife to choose a wig. The next day, we would drive to Santa Cruz to meet up with Denae and I would spend a day being coached in Denae in movement. Following that, we would start the drive to Seattle. It was like a military mission. And all this time, my wife was with me and never complained; bless her, in fact multi Bless her!

I realized that most women dress to stand out but, really as a transgender, I thought it would be better to dress to blend in (I have since changed my view!). So, when I chose clothes from catalogs (I still had never shopped in person), I chose dull fall colors and styles. I had had my colors done about 15 years before, so I knew what was in my palette... or so I thought!

So, suited up, choreographed and tuned up, we packed the car and headed for Seattle and places further afield. In those days, I dare not drive as Monica in case I got stopped by the cops for any reason or in case I had to use the bathroom. How things have changed now!

But, there are a couple of stories and photos before we leave San Francisco.

(Part 10 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Madeleine.

Elliott Alexzander, fashion blogger.

Today New Republic posted an article that recommends teaching home economics to boys!

When I think back 50 years to my days in grade school, I was not very good in shop (or "Manual Training" as it was called in my school). However, I probably would have excelled at Home Economics, but back then, taking Home Ec was not an option for boys... even girly boys like me.

Too bad. I would have made someone an excellent wife.

Two weeks ago, I was living full-time as a woman while attending the Hamvention in Dayton, Ohio. Here are a couple of thoughts about that experience that I did not mention in the Dayton diary that I posted here last week.

One Booth Babe to Another

Across the aisle from our booth at the Hamvention was a big booth that took up eight booth spaces in a 4 by 4 rectangular configuration. Stationed at opposite corners of that group of booths were two attractive 20-something women. Both wore very nice dresses and high heels (just like me) and all weekend long, they handed out stickers to people passing by and we exchanged smiles whenever we caught each other’s eyes.

The stickers were those white oval stickers that you see on the bumpers and rear windows of vehicles. Typically, they display an abbreviation for the location that the driver of the vehicle has visited, for example, "MV" for Martha's Vineyard or "PL" for Poland. But in this case, the stickers had "73" printed on them. (73 is ham radio lingo for "best regards" and is used instead of "good-bye" at the end of a contact between ham radio stations.)

The woman stationed closest to our booth wore a killer pair of high heels that I could picture in my shoe collection, but around 3 PM on Friday, I noticed that she switched to a lower heel, which she stuck with the rest of the weekend.

Saturday morning, while foot traffic was light, I went over to ask her for a sticker, which is now on the rear window of my Subaru. She gladly gave me a sticker.

I thanked her and then I mentioned that I loved the heels she had worn on Friday. She thanked me for complimenting her shoes and then we had a short chat about the perils of wearing heels while staffing a booth for 8 hours a day.

She had to get back to work handing out stickers, so we cut it short, but the girl talk was affirming nonetheless.

Trapped

My carpool buddy at Hamvention witnessed me carry a pair of flats around all weekend and when I drove, he patiently waited while I switched from heels to flats... not only this year, but in past years when we car-pooled at Hamvention. (What a gentleman!)

He has also witnessed me struggle with other aspects of being a woman like a few years ago when I "lost" the keys to my car. (After a panicky 15 minutes, I found the keys hiding inside my purse.)

When we left the picnic Saturday evening, I had a difficult time retrieving my car keys from that same purse because the lining of the purse was caught in the zipper. With my long nails, I struggled for a few minutes trying to undo the zipper, while my buddy stood by waiting patiently.

I was relieved when I finally opened the zipper and was able to retrieve my keys.
With that, my buddy commented, "I'm not sure that dealing with all the trappings of being a woman is worth it."

"You have a good point," I replied.

On the drive home, I thought about my friend’s comment and all the things involved trying to be a presentable woman... not just the trappings of being a woman, but all that stuff both physically and mentally that my guy self has to go through to present as a woman.

Considering everything, I must be crazy to go through it all. But yes, it is all worth it because I am crazy about being a woman.

Sophia Loren, London, 1957.

A beautiful female impersonator photographed in the early 20th Century.

By Monica M

Movement is the second of the four software skills after voice. As I have mentioned, Denae Doyle's DVDs were (in their day) the top of the range as far as movement was concerned. You would not believe how complicated and interconnected a genetic woman's movement pattern is (well, you would, because like me you have studied the movements of women all your life, but studying and replicating are very different). It is a form dancing really.

Denae takes you through very useful exercises which you would not ordinarily think about. For example, how you get in and out of a car while you are wearing a skirt. Putting on and taking off your coat. How to carry a purse correctly. How to put on or take off a shawl. How to sit down and stand up from the chair in a restaurant. Opening and closing a door. She covers these and many more situations in her DVDs.

However, you really need to prepare your body to be able to carry out these movements. Men's bodies tend to be stiff and linear. Women tend to be flowy and curved.

To get your body to naturally move more like a woman, you need two practices (in my opinion). First you need to be in touch with your body and this comes from practices like those in the Art of Feminine Presence (more later). Then you need to move your body in a fluid or dance-like way and this is where dancing (waltz, tango, etc.) and soft martial arts like Tai Chi really help.

Great exercises, which really help your muscles to start acting in a feminine way can be found on Lucille Sorella's website. I practice these and do Tai Chi most days. Women tend to cross the center line of the body with their arms and legs much more so than men. You need to get your muscles used to this and to moving in a much slower way. Danae says that you should move your arms as if you are under water, that is, the correct speed and manner.

In my opinion, it is important to get into the correct mind set as regards the movements of your body when en femme (and again the Art of Feminine Presence greatly helps here). If you do not, then you are going to feel stupid as you move and walk like a woman. If you feel stupid, your confidence will leak away and you will get read very quickly and feel miserable. Denae has a phrase, “as soon as the wig goes on, you act, think and move like a woman.” My version of that “go female or go home!”

The most difficult practices, I have found, are eating and drinking like a woman. It seems to be particularly hard to break these habits.

Woman put less food on the fork and they put the fork down to rest much more than men. They don't bend down to the food or to the menu when they are reading it.

And, my personal bug bear, what to do with my hair when I am eating. Some part of it usually ends up in my food. It won't tuck behind my ears neatly and it looks kind of weird holding it out of your food with one hand, especially when your hands are as big as mine. Maybe I need to find some kind of hair slide or clip that I use only when eating.

If I do use something to hold up my hair, I will need to practice exhaustively for it to become second nature. Nothing feels more artificial than when you do something with your hair or with your clothes that you have only practiced a few times and then you compare how a genetic woman who has repeatedly done this action for years.

(Part 11 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Anne Klein.

Officer Dibble femulates in a 1961 episode of Top Cat.

By Monica M

I said earlier that I started taking the whole presenting as a woman seriously in middle to late 2009 as I prepared for Esprit. For anybody who despairs about learning to apply makeup or to dress and present acceptably as a woman, here are my photos from my first experiment of making myself up (as opposed to being done professionally!). I look back and despair; I actually thought that I was doing OK and this was only five years ago! Truly, the journey never ends.

These were taken within a month of each other. Learning points: bushy eyebrows, unplucked and uncolored eyebrows, male glasses, rough skin, no contouring, no beard cover to mention, messy lipstick, nylon wig.

I am living proof that you can start from nowhere and present much better than this!

As I have said, the idea when we got to San Francisco was to go en femme to Hansen Fontana to buy a real hair wig. My wife did not want to go down to the lobby with me, so I went down myself and was to wait for her at the corner of the next block. (I cannot believe now how uncomfortable we all felt. It was as if we were peddling drugs or porn or something.)

So, here I am in this photo, all innocent and untainted and ready for my very first day in the world as Monica (I have made this day my “Monica birthday”). There is no look on my face of the horror and embarrassment that is going to befall me in ten minutes! Learning points: poor makeup, wig not long enough, scarf highlighting the square jaw, purse too small, sunglasses on indoors, dress too drab for the hotel.

So I stand facing the door with my hand on the handle taking deep breaths to steady my nerves. My wife kisses me goodbye and wishes me the best. I feel like I am going over the top and into battle in the First World War. I am right!

I peep through the peephole and the coast is clear. I open the door and walk to the elevator as femininely as I can, which means shaking my ass in some peculiar way (what was I thinking?!?) (Note that this is before any movement training, etc.)

I wait, holding my breath and praying, hoping that the elevator is empty. It is. I press lobby and down I go.

I am in such a rush to get through the lobby and out into the street that I almost bowl over one of the hotel managers as I speedily make my way from the elevator lobby to the main lobby. He looks at me in an odd manner and I am conscious of him looking at me. I hope it is just because I am in a hurry and nearly floor him. I am wrong!

As I enter the main lobby, the bellboy is walking towards me. He is tall, athletic and probably 25. As soon as he sees me, he turns on his heel and walks back to the other young guys at the bellhop station all the time pointing back at me through his body. He thinks I cannot see him pointing at me and smirking, but while I can only see his back from where I am, his profile is reflected in the mirrors behind the main desk and I can see everything.

By this time, my heart is beating faster than hummingbird’s wings. Help! What do I do? I continue to walk to the front door, where he has now placed himself and opens it with a theatrical sweep and smirking says, “This way, Madam”.

By now, I know that I am not passing even at the beginners’ level. I opt to bluff it out. I could not think of another strategy!

“Thank you, my good man,” I say and I politely bow to him as I exit the front door.

So, I am on the street and in the crowed. The thought that I have to run that gauntlet in reverse almost unnerves me. I go to the appointed corner and wait for my wife. She appears in a few minutes. We exchange stories and head off. She does not want to walk with me; so, she stays a few paces behind. We have about three blocks to walk.

We enter Bryant Street where Hansen Fontana is located and it must have been my lucky day! The street is being dug up and there are lots of guys with hard hats and shovels hanging around and digging, etc. My heart sinks for the second time except now it sinks even lower because I know I don't pass at all!

I say, “God, if you want to take me, this would be a really good time!”

She ignores my prayer and I live on to walk through the second gauntlet. I am expecting cat calls and whistles. Nothing happens: I had forgotten, this is San Francisco… nobody cares; they have seen it all before.

We get to Hansens and choose a wig. Victoria cuts the wig to the style that best suits me (Victoria is great; she does all my wigs now). I put it on and head the long way back to the hotel practicing my mincing feminine walk, my wife a few paces behind pretending that she is not with me and surveying those who see me to see how well I am passing; much better than with the nylon wig is her conclusion.

I get back to the hotel. The same bellboy is there as I push through the revolving doors. He does a double-take. He is not smirking and this time, he is really unsure if I am a guy in a dress or not. I breeze past, into the elevator, go to my room and take this shot.

One of the most embarrassing and nerve-racking days of my life is nearly over! I get my makeup off, get into my guy clothes and head down to the street where my wife is waiting in a coffee shop. The bellboy ignores me. I live to fight another day.

(Part 12 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appearedhere.)

Wearing Torn by Ronny Kobo.

A femulator strikes a pose in the early 1960s.