![2013-04-07_Paula]( "2013-04-07_Paula")
By Paula GaikowskiIn the transgender community, the use of the terms “pass” or “passing” is controversial. What’s ironic is that we all use it in one form or another, but camouflage it with politically correct language. What’s even more interesting is if you ever go to Reddit’s
Transpassing or any one of the other related sub Reddits you would discover that the younger members of our community didn’t get the memo and talk about passing all day long.
I prefer to use the phrase “present as a woman." If I am looking for a comment, I’ll ask how was my presentation. With all that being said, we all have some very definite opinions about the issue. Before you click the comment link below, let me say a few things first.
What made the subject very clear and even defined for me the why we do this was something my wife said to me a few weeks ago. Having recently traded in her shoulder length hair for a pixie cut, she was still getting comfortable with such short hair. While we were getting ready for a Saturday morning of fellowship and brush-cutting at the church picnic grove, she put on blue jeans and a flannel shirt. I’ll admit discreetly to the 5000 or so readers of Femulate that she did look a bit boyish.
One look in the mirror brought about a shriek. Not expecting this response, I looked over and asked, “What’s the matter, honey?”
“Oh my gosh, I look like a man!” she blustered as she headed for her closet.
After 29 years of marriage, I came back with a practiced response that I learned before my first anniversary, “Sweetheart, you look beautiful.”
As she positioned herself in front of the mirror, this time in a jean skirt and scalloped linen top, she breathed a sigh of relief, “There, I at least want the people to know that I am a woman!”
Wow, Bam, Bazinga! Yes read it again ladies: “There, I at least want the people to know that I am a woman!”
Transgender women just want the human race to know that we are women!
The hair, the makeup, clothes, lingerie, voice lessons, and of course, shoes are all gestures to the world that we are women. Just like the jean skirt and scalloped top that was nowhere near as practical for clearing brush that morning, they served a vital purpose for my wife; they signaled the world that she was a woman and validated her identity. It brought her appearance more in line with who she felt she was.
Just like the cowboy who wears his hat, jeans and boots in the airport, he is saying to the world, "These clothes reflect who I am, a culture that I belong to, a philosophy that I adhere too, and a vocation that I perform."
The banker, the rocker, and the professor --- they all send a message with their clothes.
That is the reason we do this --- we want people to know who we are. That deep down, under the five o'clock shadow and receding hairline, we all have to some varying extent the hearts and souls of feminine beings.
That’s why we so often ask about passing, presenting or how do I look? It is the reason why in the transgender community, we take more pictures than most tourists. Ever notice that you are the only person at the family reunion that knows exactly how to work the self-timer on the camera! We want acknowledgement, we are sending radio waves out into the Universe and listening, searching, longing to know if we are being heard.
With that in mind, instead of asking “Do I pass?”
Let’s try asking, "Did you get my message?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
![femulator-new]( "femulator-new")
Actor Guillaume Gallienne femulates as his mother in the
2013 French film Les Garçons et Guillaume, à-table!
Wearing ECI.
“ALICE - all boys”
Stilettos
“Boyfriend wearing my dress by theashleymartin on Flickr”
“My personal trainer, Csilla Javorszki”
