By Paula Gaikowski

Recently relocated and retired with a pandemic thrown in to boot, my wife has been struggling to make new friends. Lucky her lifelong friend Mary lives close by and it was the bubbly and vivacious Mary who suggested that they join a group of breakfast club women who met every other Saturday.

They meet for brunch at an upscale venue. It was my wife’s first time out in over a year. She pulled her work clothes out of storage, found her makeup in a box and did her nails.

She looked great when she came out of the bedroom, stylish, pretty and feminine. Mary arrived boiling over with enthusiasm and off they went to their lady’s brunch. Myself, a bit envious for reasons you all know.

“It was so good to get out and dress up like a girl for a change. We all agreed that we need to do it for ourselves every so often.”

The way it came out resonated with me and I’ll assume with you, too. She could have said “dolled-up,” “dressed-up,” “put on some pretty clothes,” however, after almost a year of sweatpants and shorts, she was finally able to express her femininity with her peers.

It’s been a year since the pandemic put a kibosh on my business travel and my outings and life as Paula. And I’ll tell you. It would be good to dress up like a girl for a change –  you know we need to do it for ourselves every so often. (smile)

Wearing ModCloth

Kris Andersson femulating in Dixie's Happy Hour.

I recently read there is currently a ruckus going on in the rugby world, as a result of transgender players being informed by the sport’s ruling body that they cannot take part in the women’s version of the game. That gives me an opportunity to look at similar situations over the years, where the sporting status quo has been changed as a result of developments in the greater scheme of things:

When talented amateur tennis player Dr Richard Raskind had Gender Reassignment Surgery in the 1970’s, as Renée Richards (s)he put the cat amongst the pigeons by entering women’s professional tournaments. Along with other physical advantages, at over 6 feet tall she had a head-start over most of her rivals (ho ho). In the end her advanced age did for her as a singles competitor (her male peers had long-since retired), and as such she failed to give the likes of Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova sleepless nights. But suppose she had been in her physical prime, where as such she might well have blasted them into oblivion? And despite her belated entry into the arena, she still managed to reach the ladies doubles finals of a major tournament (where ironically one of her genetic opponents was nearly as tall and physically-imposing as she was)!

When I was in my mid-30’s I considered myself to be a decent badminton player, if a somewhat rusty and out-of-shape one at that point. As such I challenged a teenaged female acquaintance of mine who had already played at regional if not national level to a match. I couldn’t beat her, but once I got her gauge managed to take one game to a tie-break. Which makes me wonder in retrospect how I might have fared had I taken the same route as Ms. Richards? To put that in context: a few years later I joined a local club a few years later and my form and fitness improved as a result. But as a male player, I still less chance of being picked for the club’s league team than flying to the moon.

The point I am trying to make from the above examples is that once the goalposts are moved, then in sporting terms it can lead to a “cuckoo in the nest” syndrome. In terms of transsexualism I would say that is particularly prevalent, as nowadays not only are GRS procedures far more commonplace, but many parts of the world are now also comparatively more tolerant of transpersons than before – even those who have not gone “all the way”. Another sign of the times is that many women now compete in sports such as football and rugby (even at a professional level in some cases) that were previously exclusively a male preserve, and it seems that some younger transsexuals want a bite at that cherry too.

For what it’s worth: even if I were a sportingly-gifted transgender woman in my physical prime, I would not be interested in participating at a professional sporting level with the bio variety.* For one thing, you can be assured that any plans to merge seamlessly into society as a female will go completely down the toilet. Plus I really do not think it is fair on genetic women anyway. But perhaps as a result of being more high-profile now (not to mention more lucrative!), it seems many disagree.

So does that mean it should be accepted that trans women compete against those of the genetic variety? Presumably due at least in part to the easy availability of processed food and fitness clubs these days, the latter are physically bigger and stronger than their forebears (in my youth I was considered to be of average male height, but these days am probably now more-akin to average female height!). Yet despite that, it wouldn’t surprise me if they still lost out in an arm-wrestling contest to a transsexual gobbling down hormones like a corn-fed chicken. 

Getting back on track: of course the debate also rages on over genetically intersexed athletes cleaning up in the female middle-distance events these days, with the sport’s authorities trying to impose a testosterone-limiting regime on those concerned in order to avoid making it a procession and thus a mockery. So bearing all the above in mind: should there now be a third “inbetweenie” gender classification in professional sport? If so, then perhaps the athlete formerly known as Bruce Jenner might be tempted to come out of retirement?

* On a “friendly” amateur level, as a transgender sportsperson I would derive far more pleasure from beating a man at badminton than a woman!

Source: Rue La La

Arsenio Hall femulating in the 1988 film Coming to America.

As you may recall, I took a break from the blog last week. I did not have the energy to blog (or do much else) because I was ill. 

I thought it was a minor thing and I waited all week long for it to go away. When it did not, my family insisted I go see a doctor where I learned, surprise, I have shingles!

I am over the hump and the rash is slowly going away. I just hope that I don’t have any long-term problems.

Shingles sure puts a damper on crossdressing! Any clothing that touches the rash can cause pain, so the looser the clothing, the better. I won’t be donning any foundation garments or bodycon dresses for awhile.

Who Wore It Better Dept.

On a lighter note, the blazer dress that Tina Fey wore while hosting the Golden Globe Awards Sunday evening reminded me of the blazer dress I wore at the last Hamvention.

Wearing New York & Company

Noël Czuczor femulated Cher on Slovakian television's Tvoja Tvar Znie Povedome. You can view this femulation on YouTube.

By Paula Gaikowski

After a year without dressing fully, I had the house to myself for the next two weeks as my wife, with whom I have a DADT arrangement, flew south. She does give me time to get my girl on, but it’s hard to relax and enjoy when I know she’ll be home in two to three hours. There is also knowing that she just doesn’t like it and never will. There’s that implied sense of disapproval that hangs there unsaid, but is still evident. So two weeks of self-expression is just what the doctor ordered. (I actually wrote a column about that a few years back, “Doctor’s Orders.”)

I dropped her off at the airport on Thursday and stopped on the way home for a pedicure. The manicurist at the nail salon in small town Maine didn’t bat an eye when I asked her for a French pedicure. I told her I was transgender and wanted to look nice when I went out. I also did some outreach, told her my story and she shared that her friend has a transgender daughter.

I am amazed at the awareness and acceptance people have these days compared to 2008 when I first started going out. Back in 2008, I was given cold receptions at clothing shops and wig salons a few times. They made it clear, I wasn’t really welcomed. 

Sales associates now understand what it means to be transgender and are empathic. I haven’t had a bad experience since 2008 and the last few years, I feel as if we are now just part of the modern culture. 

The rest of Thursday was body maintenance day and fashion prep.

I got up Friday morning excited. I dressed in my favorite skirt and top, then put on makeup, perfume, fixed my hair and slipped into my favorite pair of pumps. I was filled with such positive emotions and energy. I felt 20 years younger.

Then I prepared for a busy days of Zoom meetings and reports. The day flew by. I stopped a few times to freshen my makeup and fix my hair. It was healing to see lipstick stains on my flowered coffee cup as I ran over the latest training plan for new products. I kept my camera off, but there was a part of me that just wanted to turn it on and say, “Hey there, world. This is who I am.” Maybe someday soon. 

The day ended too quickly. I stayed in my gal clothes, made dinner, had a glass of wine and with the snow falling outside, I lit a fire and drifted off dreaming of...

Wearing Wayf

Femulators

By Paula Gaikowski

First the good news, the House passed the Equality Act, a bill that would extend basic rights to the LGBTQ community. It just needs to get past the Senate with 60 votes where I am sure it’s in for a fight. Ironically the overwhelming majority of Americans are in favor of the law (many assume that LGBTQ already have these protections).

If you walk down the hallway in the Capitol, you will see the transgender flag proudly displayed in front of the office of Congresswoman Marie Newman. The congresswoman put it there in support of her 20-year-old transgender daughter.

Now for the bad news, Congresswoman Marjorie Greene reacted to the flag by posting a transphobic sign meant to appeal to people’s fears and prejudices in the culture war that the GOP stokes daily in their only hope of gaining the electorate.

The sign she posted reads, “There are only two genders, Trust the science.”

There are so many things wrong with that statement besides just being hurtful and hateful.

1. Gender is a social construct, not biological. Ironically, after denigrating science when it comes to climate change and the pandemic, Greene uses science as a tool, although incorrectly.

2. Greene probably was referring to biological sex. However, it is scientifically evident that intersex persons exist. A common argument amongst transphobic people is that you are either XX or XY chromosomed and that defines your sex and gender absolutely. Intersex persons are much more common than one would think. Here’s a list of famous intersexed persons.

3. Her statement that there are only two genders is also incorrect. Let us not forgot the non-binary members of our community. Our culture has predominately recognized two genders, male and female and that Ms. Greene, is where most of us transgender persons struggle. We struggle with being the wrong biological sex and along with our biology, we are assigned a social gender. Gender and sex are two different things and transgender persons struggle with both.

All of this illustrates how far we have come in the battle for transgender rights, but also how far we must go. When I think back to my 20’s, the idea that a congressperson would plant the transgender flag on Capitol Hill and be advocating for her transgender daughter was a distant dream. Add to it the fact that being transgender is no longer a tabloid curiosity, but common in all our communities. 

Wherever you are in your journey, whether closeted or transitioned, remember not to be afraid to advocate for our community. It’s time to speak up and defend transgender people by showing our support. We can object to rude jokes and stereotypes, correct persons misconceptions and support gay and transgender colleagues. We need to take a stand and show acceptance and support for transgender persons and make transphobic behavior socially unacceptable.

Wearing London Times

Mateusz Jakubiec femulated Lene Nystrøm Rasted (Aqua) on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo. You can view this femulation on YouTube.

Today is National Dress Day!

How to Observe

• Wear one of your favorite dresses on March 6th

• Follow @nationaldressday on Instagram

• Post your favorite dress memory using #NationalDressDay

Or e-mail me a photo in your favorite dress and I will post it here on Femulate.

Wearing Venus

Lee Tergesen femulating in the 1991 film Cast a Deadly Spell.

70 today and counting

As we prepare to celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8, our resolve to keep pushing for gender equality is stronger than ever. And we won’t stop until girls and women are equal everywhere.

That’s because equality is her birthright, enshrined in the UN Charter, but it isn’t her reality. Despite some progress, there is no place or part of life where a girl or woman has the equal rights or opportunities as a boy or man.

As a male woman, I am very sympathetic to these goals. Though some would say that I have “male privilege,” I would argue that male women are treated worse than cisgender women and I yearn to achieve the same equality sought by women.

Even living much of my life disguised as a man, my natural femininity marked me as less than a man and I was treated accordingly by both males and females. 

Living as a male woman was an improvement. I was living as my true self and females seemed to embrace me as someone who had joined their team. On the other hand, males treated me even more poorly than they did when I was in my man disguise.

I am sure that all male women have had similar experiences and also long for gender equality.

Wearing New York & Company

Olive

On National Dress Day, I invited you to send me a photo wearing your favorite dress. The following lovely ladies responded and I thank them all.

Anna Maria (and friend)

Dawn Wyvern

Dee

Deedee

Jocelyn

Jonita Wells

Julie Michelle

Lena

Mikki

Nancy Ng

Rachel

Suzanne W. Jeffries

Tina Davis

Virginia

Wearing BGL

Marques Houston femulating in House Party 4: Down to the Last Minute.

By Paula Gaikowski

A friend recommended an online clothing retailer that specialized in clothes tailored for transgender men and women. I was immediately skeptical; I had visions of overpriced fetish wear and poorly designed clothes. However, I was pleasantly surprised and put them on my list of potential places to shop.

Leolines was started by Chris McKelvey a seamstress who sewed custom made dance and gymnastic costumes. One day, the parent of a transgender girl asked if she could make an outfit that would meet the needs of her transgender daughter. She was elated with the results and asked her if she could make underwear and swimsuits. The word soon spread in the transgender community and thus her business was born.

Leolines panties are designed to hide the more masculine parts of a femulator’s anatomy. The reviews I’ve read all stress how they changed the life of so many transgender women who could now have the confidence to wear leggings, jeans and bodycon dresses. They are also very comfortable and eliminate the need for gaffs, tight panties or Spanx. Along with all that, they are pretty.

As I wrote here, I have this whole tucking thing down to a science so why would I need something special and besides, for me there is a certain joie de vivre knowing that I am wearing clothes made for a female.

Here’s where it got interesting. My wife and I have DADT agreement going when it comes to my femulating. She runs hot and cold and there have been times over the years when she’s bought me clothes and also given me some of hers. 

A few years ago, I inherited two of her sport bras, which I took to wearing under sweaters in the wintertime. The other day she saw them in the wash. They were very worn and she remarked that I need some new ones. 

“Well, my birthday is coming up,” I joked. 

I never expected anything to come of it.

How she found Leolines on Esty I’ll never know, but I was surprised, elated and touched in the heart when I opened my gifts and found a Leolines Racer Back Bra and High Waist Panty, both in the Tinkerbell print. Tinkerbell is a playful name my wife has used over the years when referring to me and femulating. 

There was a lot in that gift: true love, acceptance and grace. I love wearing them under sweatshirts on cold days here in Maine. It’s my way of knowing deep down who I am. As you all can relate, it just feels right. 

About half of Leolines business is transgender children. The other is transgender adults and most of them are younger. The generation of transgender persons behind us are out and upcoming. They are consumers and the business world is rising to meet their demands. Moving out of their niches and into the mainstream are retailers like Bindle and Keep, who custom make suits for transgender men. I predict we are soon to see a transgender line of clothing by a mainstream vendor such as Victoria Secret, Maidenform, Spanx or Torrid.

Wearing Oscar De La Renta

Rob Harmon femulating in the 2008 film Between Love and Goodbye.

Acting like a girl was easy because I did not have to act. I acted like a girl naturally. And the bullies could not convince me to act otherwise.

Playing like a girl was easy too because I had a sister who was happy to have a playmate for girl play.

Dressing like a girl came later, but once I found the courage to dress like a girl, I was all in.

So I did not wish to be a girl because I was already living as a girl. Yes, I was a boy, but I did not let that stop me from being the best girl I could be.

Wearing New York & Company

Iain Armitage dressing pretty on television's Young Sheldon.

We arrived at the facility on time yesterday morning and were greeted with great news: it was the first day that this facility would be using the Johnson & Johnson one-shot vaccine rather than a two-shot vaccine! What luck!

So we got in line with about six people ahead of us. The line moved quickly and we found ourselves at the “Registration” window staffed by a twenty-something women, who asked us our names. 

I told her our names and wise-ass that I am, I added, “I'm Stanley and she’s Laurie.”

She replied, “Oh, I don’t know – I think you could pass for a ‘Laurie.’” 

I was in boy mode at the time.

Wearing Venus

Craig Olsen femulating in the 2012 film Pop Kowboy. You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube.

Some people seemed concerned that when they receive a compliment about their appearance (“You look great”), the person making the compliment is really saying, “You look great... for a crossdresser.”

So? I would rather look “great” for a crossdresser than look lousy for a crossdresser!

I appreciate any compliment I receive, whether the person making the compliment reads me as a crossdresser or not. Perhaps, the nicest compliment I have ever received was, “You look better than most women I know.”

You can't get much better validation than that!

Wearing Andrew Gn

Shingo Katori femulating in the 1997 Japanese film Hong Kong Night Club.

Squeaky

Exchanging e-mails and reading your comments about my Validation post brought to mind more thoughts on the subject.

Receiving a comment like “You look better than most women I know” is validating with regards to the way you look – your outfit, hair, makeup, etc. But is the commenter saying “As a crossdresser, you look better than most women I know” or is the commenter saying “As a woman, you look better than most women I know.” The former indicates that the commenter read you as a male, while the latter indicates that your femulation is working and the commenter believes that you are a cisgender female. 

Both interpretations are validating, but the former is definitely preferable to the latter. You'll never know for sure which is the case unless you broach that topic with the commenter. But why ruin a good thing and let the cat out of the bag. 

Not following this advice, I yanked the cat out of the bag on more than one occasion.

I believe I often pass at a distant, but not so much up close and personal. I assume that face-to-face, too many clues are apparent that give me away. In the past, with that in the back of my mind, I did not think twice if I said something that indicated that I was cisgender male.

About half the time when I gave myself away, I was surprised that the person I just clued in had no idea I was a guy! My femulation was good enough to convince them that I was really a woman! As a result, I have learned to bite my tongue when I feel a clue about to escape my mouth and just assume my femulation is working.

Wearing Ranna Gill

Blogger Hannah McKnight

I did not believe I was effeminate. I did not purposely act feminine – I was acting naturally and I assumed the bullies were picking on me because I had better grades in school than most of my male peers and/or because I was not a great athlete. 

The “effeminate” label persisted and when I began crossdressing, I thought that maybe there was something to it. This was brought home to me when I attended a Halloween party en femme and a friend mentioned to me that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me dressed as a woman, my appearance now matched my speech and mannerisms.

That and similar experiences finally convinced me that I was effeminate, but I never knew how effeminate. I never saw my feminine self in person, so I was just accepting what others witnessed.

Fast forward to May 2018, when I spoke at a forum at the ham radio convention I attend every year. The forum was videotaped and I anxiously waited for the video to be posted on YouTube so I could see my feminine self in person.

Two weeks later, the video showed up on YouTube and when I watched it, I was shocked by how feminine I appeared. How I moved, how I gestured and how I spoke were so feminine that I could not believe it. If anything, I lost points because of my voice, but the way I used my voice was the way a woman spoke and when you put the whole package together, that was a woman up on that dais, not a man in a dress. 

Even today when I view that video, I am still impressed by the lady I see.*

* You can see me for yourself on YouTube beginning at the 6:41 mark.

Wearing Adrianna Papell

Blogger Diana and friend. Diana blogs daily at her Little Corner in the Nutmeg State.