I posted the following after my trip to the Dayton Hamvention in which for the first timed, I was en femme 24 hours a day during the three day event.
One week ago, I was on my journey en femme attending the world's largest ham radio convention in Dayton, Ohio. I have had a few days to reflect on my experience and have some thoughts to share.
You readers have posted comments and sent e-mails congratulating me on my trip to Dayton. I thank you all for your congratulatory words.
“Courage” is the oft-repeated word you used in those comments and e-mails. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, courage is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”
Wow – that is stuff that makes someone a hero! I sure did not feel courageous in Dayton, nor did I feel like a hero (or heroine). I was just trying to be the real me.
All my life, I struggled trying to be the real me. While I patently rejected most of what it meant to be a male, I still presented as a male and as a result, I was an incongruous being, that is, I was a woman dressed like a man (or a girl dressed like a boy).
Although I did not know it at the time, I began crossdressing in my teens to correct that incongruity. I discovered that my new “hobby” was such a good fit that I crossdressed at every opportunity, initially in the home closet, but later in other closets beyond the home, for example, support group meetings, support group outings, crossdresser conventions, Fantasia Fair – all larger closets, but closets nonetheless.
While I was hanging out in those closets, I also took a few steps out of the closet and got a taste of being the real me in the real world. That experience was so addictive that I wanted to do it more often. Eventually, whenever I had the opportunity to be the real me, I chose to do it in the real world rather than in a closet, no matter its size.
If there was any courage on my part, I had it when I took those first few steps out of the closet into the real world. After that, my forays into the real world were fueled by the exhilaration that I knew awaited me when I was the real me in the real world. I did not need courage to do that; I just needed the opportunities to do that. My trip to Dayton was one of those opportunities.
I look forward to all the opportunities that present themselves in the future. I assure you I will use those opportunities to be the real me and it will not take courage to do so.
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| Wearing Boston Proper |
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| Michelle |
