Most of my life, civilians considered me to be effeminate. The more obnoxious civilians let me know it, mostly with verbal abuse, but a few times, physical abuse.
I did not believe I was effeminate. I did not purposely act feminine – I was acting naturally and I assumed the bullies were picking on me because I had better grades in school than most of my male peers and/or because I was not a great athlete.
The “effeminate” label persisted and when I began crossdressing, I thought that maybe there was something to it. This was brought home to me when I attended a Halloween party en femme and a friend mentioned to me that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me dressed as a woman, my appearance now matched my speech and mannerisms.
That and similar experiences finally convinced me that I was effeminate, but I never knew how effeminate. I never saw my feminine self in person, so I was just accepting what others witnessed.
Fast forward to May 2018, when I spoke at a forum at the ham radio convention I attend every year. The forum was videotaped and I anxiously waited for the video to be posted on YouTube so I could see my feminine self in person.
Two weeks later, the video showed up on YouTube and when I watched it, I was shocked by how feminine I appeared. How I moved, how I gestured and how I spoke were so feminine that I could not believe it. If anything, I lost points because of my voice, but the way I used my voice was the way a woman spoke and when you put the whole package together, that was a woman up on that dais, not a man in a dress.
Even today when I view that video, I am still impressed by the lady I see.*
* You can see me for yourself on YouTube beginning at the 6:41 mark.
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| Wearing Adrianna Papell |
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| Blogger Diana and friend. Diana blogs daily at her Little Corner in the Nutmeg State. |