Over the years, I have made friends and acquaintances with hundreds, if not thousands of trans people. Although I knew them by their trans names, I've known the birth certificate names of maybe 50 or 60.
And that’s only because I was privy to their names (and addresses) when I produced and mailed my support group’s newsletter or because they are trans radio hams and I know their government-issued call signs (which I can look up online). Take that away and I would probably know 10 or 12 by their birth certificate names (and you are probably in the same boat I am).
When one dies, you can bet the farm that their obituary will not mention their trans name or mention that they were a member of a trans support group. And unless you know their birth certificate name, you will never know that they died. As far as you know, they just stopped attending support group meetings, stopped exchanging emails with their trans friends or stopped posting to their blog and they just fade away.
Sometimes the spouse of a deceased trans person will contact a trans friend of the deceased to pass along the bad news. But in the majority of cases, spouses have no idea who or how to make that contact or could be bothered less.
It is so sad when our trans friends fade away like that. Their trans identities were probably as important or more important to them than their birth certificate identities, yet their preferred identities disappear without any acknowledgment (and often with a sigh of relief by embarrassed family members). Very sad.
And so it goes.
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| Wearing Venus |
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| Womanless beauty pageant contestant, Elizabeth City, North Carolina, 2016 |