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| Man and Wife |
Ultimately, my goal is to live as a woman full-time. But achieving that goal is another matter.
Reading my blog regularly, you know that I live as a woman as much as possible, but it is not full-time.
Yet I know I could live as a woman full-time because I have done it successfully over long and short periods of time in the real world, out among the civilians.
Coming out is not holding me back. The important people in my life already know about Stana. There is only a handful of people who don't know and it does not matter much to me if they accept Stana or not.
So it is like living in the Red Zone. I am so close to the goal line, but I just can't get across it. The only thing holding me back is my commitment to the woman I married.
Falling in love 35 years ago, I stopped crossdressing and I bought into the old tale that finding the love of my life would cure me. I did not know any better and the lack of information in those pre-Internet Dark Ages did not help. But two years of not crossdressing indicated that there was something to that old saw.
And so it went until one month after our wedding, when we were invited to a Halloween party and I reopened my Pandora's box never to close it again. One too many Halloweens en femme, my wife suspected something. When she asked, I admitted to her that I was a crossdresser.
Fast forward to the Caitlyn Jenner era... when my wife asked, I admitted to her that I was transgender.
And if she asked, I would admit to her that I want to live as a woman full-time.
In the past when I crossdressed, she often commented, "You want to be a woman, don't you?" and I would always deny such a notion. But in my heart, I knew the true answer, but I was afraid to admit it to her or myself.
Today, I think she knows the true answer, too, so she does not bother asking the question. And I am still afraid to admit the truth to her.
And so it goes.
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| Wearing Vensette cosmetics (Source: Vensette) |
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| Glenn Tryon femulating in the 1926 film Along Came Auntie. |